Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Friday, November 28, 2008

Security vs Happiness

There are a number of things that could happen from here.

1. I stay here, and so does the principal, and I have a horrible couple of years until I can get a transfer somewhere else.

2. I stay here and the principal moves on, and things improve or don't but either way I'm not dealing with her.

3. I get a job in the private sector and leave this stupid town and the cow of a principal behind entirely.

Now, all three of those are conditional on other people - on the education department's handling of the principal and on other schools considering me for a job. But the last has the advantage that - even if it doesn't come through and I'm only actively seeking it - I'm not passive.

I realised today that I HATE the public school system. I hate the rigidity and the meanness and the impersonality and the bureaucracy and the whole package. I hate what it does to the kids, and I hate what it's doing to ME. I do not like the person I am becoming as a teacher, and that worries me. The system is still so punitive and negative and them-against-us that I'm starting to buy into it, starting to accept the lies about children and childhood that feed the machine. NO!!!!! That is not what I want out of life and not what I expect from myself. I really feel that I want to get out of the public system entirely.

I just submitted an application to teach at a Montessori school in the suburb nextdoor to where Mum lives - back in my beloved hills. There's two more positions to apply for, at a protestant Christian school two suburbs from where Mum lives. And a few at Catholic schools in the south-west. I'm going to apply and apply and apply until I get something outside of the state system, no matter what. Whether it's in the city or the country, whether it's Catholic or Protestant or Steiner or Montessori or simply Alternative, I want to be out of the impersonal machine and into the world that believes that children are the REASON for what we do, not an impediment to it!

I'm feeling empowered right now. I'm not sitting back and letting stuff happen to me, but going out and looking for a better future. Yay for me.

This may mean being pinched financially, having a more demanding landlord, more house moves and many other things over the coming years. But miserable security is not living.


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