Giving and Getting

I was reading an "agony aunt" type blog today in which the original correspondent had asked whether she should feel guilty about refusing a charity donation request at work.

The blog writer acknowledged that we are allowed to be choosy about when and where we donate. But then she went off into a long, passionate exposition about the difference between keeping our own money for our needs, and depriving others of the basic needs of life for the sake of our wants. She reminded the readers that we are hugely affluent compared to the vast majority of the world's population, and we should be grateful and humble and giving, not constantly blowing all our money on the latest 'thing'.

One burning burst of guilt later, I now have a World Vision sponsor child. I've been meaning to do it for ages but have never quite got around to it - you know? But I have no excuse. I have the money, I have a computer, it only takes a few minutes. So I made myself do it. My sponsor child is a 5-year-old girl from Sri Lanka.

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I got all of my readers and unit info for my three classes this week. All three have exams, which will be all sorts of exciting as I'll be in London by the time exam week rolls around. I'm going to email the three tutors and introduce myself so that they know well in advance what is going on!

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I'm currently suffering terrible headaches due to a prodigious set of neck & shoulder muscle cramps. I've been to the physio today ("... you've made a real mess of this, haven't you!" he said) and I'm going back on Friday. Unfortunately it's being caused by the register work, and I can't afford to give that up so I'll just have to keep treating it for the time being.

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This weekend I have a Saturday off finally, and I'm spending it sewing my latest bliaut and helping my friend L sew her first ever garb. Should be fun!

30 by 30

The week before last,  I found that I was having problems at work after lunch - I was very dozy and out of it.

So I tried a widely-recommended solution - not eating carbs at lunch, just protein / dairy and vegetables. Not only did it work - I feel refreshed after lunch, not sleepy - but I'm also feeling better all-round. A few days later I tried taking almost all of the carbs out of my dinner as well, loading up on salad instead. And . . . bingo. Feeling much healthier. I'm a little hungry some of the time, but I'm learning to ignore that.

And as a side effect - without even trying - I'm currently losing 200g a day. The numbers on the scales are going down like stair steps. Wonderful!

So I have started a commitment today. I'll stick to this light menu (along with my existing commitment to avoiding all preservatives, artificial colours and flavours, and most refined sugar and refined wheat) until I've lost 30kg. And I intend to lose that 30kg before I turn 30 in December. It's more than 46 weeks until my birthday; more than enough time, even with the fact that this weightloss will slow as I get closer to my goal, and even accounting for some plateauing around the move to London, which will no doubt disrupt whatever exercise routine I've developed before then!

I'm aiming high first up - I want to lose the first 15kg before I leave, 15.5 weeks from now. I will settle for 10, but I'd prefer 15! If all I have to do is keep up this eating plan and gradually increase my exercise, it should be an attainable goal.

So that's my commitment. I'll update the amount lost here from time to time.

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I'm now successfully enrolled in three units for this semester: Intro to Literature, Thinking Theology, and The Life and Times of Ancient Israel. I'm excited :)

I've learned that to be ordained I'd have to follow up this BA Theol with a Master of Ministry, which is two years full time. So I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. This BA will take me until 2013, so I'll just enjoy it until then.

Decisions and Thoughts

It's exactly 4 months today until I leave for London.

I am SO ready to go. There are lots of people and things I'll miss, but the closer the date gets, the more I'm looking forward to the freedom of it. I need to get away from the too-familiar patterns of life. I need to get away from people who constrain me with assumptions and expectations that I should not have to meet. I need to get away from the constant scrutiny and questioning and everything.

In case it's not obvious, I'm feeling a little harassed at the moment! I love my family dearly but sometimes I feel like everything I do is under the microscope, and I'm tired of being constantly cross-examined and/or bullied about choices that are no one's business except mine. I am desperately looking forward to a fresh start and a nice solid distance between me and the people who think they know me.

I will miss them horribly, of course. But it will also be exhilarating.

I took a slightly scary step today and altered my units so I'm double-majoring in Literature and Theology. I wasn't going to do it, because it would interfere with my creative writing minor; but I realised that I couldn't get that minor without doing several internal units, and that's going to be impossible if I'm still in London, or if I'm back in Perth, may or may not be impossible, as I have no idea what I'll be doing! I can do the Lit & Theol double major entirely externally, so I've picked my probable units and worked out a schedule of study. I've decided to push myself this semester while I'm not working full-time, and do three units. Then I'll drop back to two for two semesters before jumping up to 3 again. At that rate I'll finish halfway through 2013.

The Theology major is a source of major (heh) confusion. Part of the reason I decided to go ahead and do it is that I have absolutely no idea why I'm so drawn to it. I just don't know what it is about having a degree in theology that is so irresistible, but it's drawing me towards it and I can't say no. It's absolutely bizarre. I've wanted things, many times; I want the lit degree, for example. But the theology degree wants me. I've never experienced anything like it. I'm so confused. It's not something I've planned or expected or anticipated, but it feels like exactly the right choice.

(I wanted to insert a macro in here with an In Soviet Russia, Degree Gets You caption, but I couldn't find a picture that I liked, so you'll just have to take it as read.)

There's a word in my mind, and writing it or saying it out loud is almost beyond me at the moment, but I can't chase it away. Ordination. There. Ha. Wrote it.

It worries me because it would be so hard to get people to understand why I was doing it. I'm a naturally religious girl in an apathetically agnostic family. How does that even happen? I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the fact that faith is an integral part of my personality, and I'm learning to talk about it without embarrassment. But such a public display of commitment to that faith? Some of my family might never speak to me again. I know that for a fact. Other friends and family might drift away, or never feel comfortable around me again. I would expect to pay an extremely high social price for making that commitment.

And yet, I'm not the slightest bit afraid of it. Just intrigued.

And THAT is scary. I'm scared of my lack of fear. Huh.

... Yes, I did say I was confused.

This is part of the reason why I just need to be away. I can't see or hear what I want to do over the shouting of social expectations. I'm craving the solitude of being a very long way away, so that I can hear myself think and work out where I'm going with this.

In some ways, the 8th of May is the end of the forseeable future for me. I have absolutely no idea what will happen on the other side of it. But I have no doubt it will be exciting and fascinating.

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In other news, my ebook reader finally arrived today, and I've loaded it up with the complete Sherlock Holmes. Oh, the joys of reading :) *sings*