Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Almost there...

It's two days before the end of term. I've been AWOL for a while, I know... the whompingness of my life has kept me fairly silent as I work through it.

The class I've had have been difficult and generally un-fun, so I've been hating school and wishing desperately that I'd chosen a different career. Again. I'm so burned out that I can't imagine going back to a full-time, classroom teaching position in 5 weeks' time :( I want to do a sideways shuffle into museum education. Just have to find a job! It's been 5 years but I have finally started to miss the heritage sector. So I've got a long stretch of job applications coming up.

Life otherwise has been pretty stable ... sightseeing, running in the park, learning to live with a partner, generally getting on with the business of becoming.

And trying not to fall into my usual pattern of life!

The other thing that has kept me from blogging is a sad mystery. A friend - more than a friend - has suddenly withdrawn from me. She won't answer my messages, won't talk to me in chat programmes, ignores threads in which I've commented, etc. I don't know why, and I don't understand. I'm angry and hurt and don't know what to do about it. I have issues with being abandoned by loved ones, and every fibre of my being wants to flail around madly shrieking and prodding and doing anything I freaking can to get her attention and make her snap out of it. I know that's an unhealthy reaction so I'm sitting on my hands and trying to alternate pretending that I haven't noticed with just not going near her online. Neither is satisfying. There's nothing I can do except grieve and hope that she comes around before I decide that too much damage has been done.

I'm not taking a full 5 weeks' holiday this summer (I need money before that, so I'll have to get work of some sort whether it's ongoing or not!) but I'm looking forward to a couple of weeks' rest, and an SCA trip to Wales as a bonus! It should be a good summer, I hope.