Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008, The Closing Scene

A cool breeze - more like a gale - did finally come up, and that combined with washing my hair had pretty much taken care of the headache. But it was still bugging me a little, so I thought I'd go and take another dose of painkillers, since the others should have worn off by now. I went to find the glass I'd used . . . and discovered that I never took the first lot. The little glass of aspirin dissolved in water was still sitting there, entirely un-drunk.

No wonder they didn't help, and no wonder I had no specific memory of what time I took it - I didn't take it!

I've taken them now, and hopefully the much-abated headache will shortly be gone for good.

So . . . 45 minutes left of 2008. What a year! I've come so unbelievably far this year, and learned so much. I've done things I never imagined I would do, both good and bad. I've gone from a position of great weakness and doubt to such strength and confidence. And I've shrunk by 9kg :) I've finally finished playing the best friend in the movie of my own life (to quote "The Holiday"). I've been through the emotional wringer and come out calmer than I've ever been. It's been great. It's been terrible. It's been both at once.

To quote Dickens, who had rather a way with words:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it ws the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

I have plenty of hopes and aspirations for 2009. Here are some of them, edited from my post on GPYP:

I’m going to spend the year standing up for myself and doing what is right for me. I’m not going to do things that aren’t right for me, even if people try emotional blackmail. No more crazy dances. No more reactivity.

I’m going to spend the year believing in my ability to explore my interests. That means being whole-hearted in my teaching, playing in a concert band, singing in a choir, joining a writers' group, studying hard and living well.

I’m going to learn how to have ‘down time’ again. I have to give back my education department laptop so this is a good time to learn to just BE rather than spending huge blocks of time dithering on the internet while half-watching the TV. I’ll still have my PC and I’ll still have my TV but they are going to be separate and they are going to be limited.

I’m going to lose the rest of the weight I need to lose. I’ve lost 9kg so far and if I can just stick to the weight watchers plan consistently until July I will have lost the remaining 20kg that will put me at the absolute perfect weight for my height. I’m going to be slender again in 2009 and I’m going to stay that way.

Bananaheads will not happen next year. If men happen, they will not be bananaheads.

Above all, I hope 2009 is just a little bit easier than 2008 has been. I'm intensely grateful for all of the soul-growth I've experienced this year, but . . . I can has brake naow? Pleez?

To all my readers, whether you're regulars or passers-by: Happy New Year! And may 2009 be filled with love, wellness, satisfaction, hope and opportunity beyond your wildest dreams.

With all the very best of love,
Signing off for 2008,

See you in 2009!

RIP Phyllida.


Last night I couldn't get to sleep until very late, and had to be up at 8:30am because my home owner was coming around at 9 to check out where the roof has been leaking. I fell back into bed afterwards and napped for a couple of hours, but I'm still exhausted, and to top it off I've developed a shocker of a headache that painkillers haven't even dented. It's still 35 C (95 F) at 7:45pm and not looking like it's going to cool off any time soon. I feel sick and sore and exhausted and I have no idea what to do with myself!

So much for chilling out on New Year's Eve! I can't even relax with this headache, and I can't have a quiet drink or two either because I'm going to have to take painkillers again when the ones I've already taken wear off (not that I can remember when I took them, botheration!). I'm going to spend the evening on the couch in front of the air conditioner, nursing my head and dozing until it cools down enough for me to get to sleep. If I make it to midnight then it'll be because it's still too hot to sleep - if it cools I'm going to be out like a light!

All in all, I'm reminded of Terry Pratchett's quirky invention, reannual grapes. They grow backwards in time: you plant them this year and they grow last year. And therefore, the wine made from reannual grapes gives you the hangover the day before you drink it. This feels so much like a hangover - perhaps the bottle of wine chilling in my fridge was made from reannual grapes and I'm going to have a big one tonight after all! :D

Tomorrow I am going to sleep and sleep and sleep. Don't even try to stop me.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


Today has been an absolute stinker of a day - 42 C (107.5 F) at the maximum, sunny and humid. YUCK.

About 5pm I took a look on the weather radar and saw a rain system near the coast to the north-west, heading very slowly in our direction. It looked weak enough that it might peter out before reaching us, but I crossed my fingers and hoped.

Well, it got here. Oh, did it ever!

First there were a few specks of rain that evaporated before they could sink in. Then there were a few rumbles of thunder.

And then the heavens opened for the most comprehensive rainstorm I think I've ever seen.

Up came the wind, dropping the temperature 10 degrees in 15 minutes, back to an acceptable 30 C. The rain has come, and come, and come - I think it's been pouring down in big drops for an hour now! The ground is thoroughly soaked and there's little streams running off in every direction. And it's still thundering from time to time - I saw a ground strike through the window just a minute ago and leapt out of my skin from the immediate thunder (needless to say I'm on the laptop and it's not plugged into anything). I hope that lightening doesn't start any fires, hopefully everything is too wet for that. According to the radar, this storm cell has just settled over the town and isn't going anywhere, so it could be going for some time yet! I'll post some photos later.

At least it's cooled down!

Monday, December 29, 2008

More On That . . .

The author of Getting Past Your Past talks about "D-BOM" moments. The name comes from the saying "dawn breaking over Marblehead", which is from Massachusetts apparently and, in my own words, means 'finally realising something you immediately realise that should have known already'. The GPYP method of recovery leads to many of these. And in relation to the housemate business, I've had one.

If looking after myself and doing the right thing by myself means letting someone down, then that's OKAY.

Especially if it's someone so utterly unrelated as a potential housemate I've only just met!

The unhealthy me of even a few months ago would have agonised over the decision and probably ended up going through with the house-sharing arrangement because I would not have been able to stand the idea that I was letting this person down. I would have said "but I SAID I would . . . I SAID so . . ." and let fear of others' disappointment or disapproval rule my decision-making process. I would have quailed at the idea of backing out, and convinced myself that it was best to leap in head first and take this opportunity, rather than waiting for the right opportunity to come along. Hell, I've done it enough times with relationships!

But the me of today thought, what does it matter? He's just some guy who's looking for a housemate. He'll find another one. I am under no obligation to him, the universe or anyone else to go live in a suburb I hate in the wrong part of town and make myself miserable for a year, just because some guy might think I'm a cow for changing my mind.

In fact, I realised he's welcome to think I'm a cow for changing my mind. He can even call me one, if it helps. It doesn't make my decision any less right! If he did react that way, his negative emotions would be about him and his needs, not about me and mine. Not my problem.

I have the right to put my needs first!



Christine 1, Bananaheads 0.

On Saturday I had a meeting with a guy who is also trying to set up a share house. We got along alright and it seemed to be viable, so I gave a tentative answer of "yes, start looking and we'll go from there". But on the 2 hour drive home I started critically analysing the guy's actions and words and how they compared, and I realised that he was not as great as he was making himself out to be. When I looked back over the conversation, he talked over the top of me repeatedly, and I had to keep repeating myself because he wasn't actually listening when I was speaking. He was only interested in one suburb (the one adjacent to his work) and wanted all his own stuff in the house ("just sell yours!" - no thanks, I like my stuff). He also wanted to just lie about my having a cat on the rental application, which I was in no way okay with.

When I got home I found an email from another house seeker who is actually looking in the area I want to live (she works a couple of suburbs away from me) which reminded me that there are other options out there. So I sent the guy an email explaining that the suburb he wanted was too far away, and also not really my sort of suburb, because I was a hills girl and wanted somewhere in a natural setting, rather than sterile newly-established suburbia which is where he is looking.

Well, I just got a response, suggesting a place much closer to where I want to live. Okay, but it's a 3x2 apartment that would be WAY too expensive for two people, and with three or more it would be way too crowded (I had said I needed two small rooms or one big one); it'd be totally unsuitable for a cat, and even more sterile and prissy than the suburb we were originally looking at. Way to miss the point! For an added bonus, he also called me Christy instead of Christine. *headdesk*

Not going there. NEXT!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sunday Weight

I managed to remember that it was Sunday today, despite the general holiday confusion over days and dates.

Weight Today: 72.4

I lost 200g over Christmas.


I guess this is because of how sick I've been feeling and my general inability to eat much, but still. I lost weight over Christmas. I must be sick.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I feel sick :(

Remember the queasiness I blamed on nerves around the time of the interview? It hasn't gone away, even though the nerves most definitely have. Even when I'm hungry I usually either can't face food at all (throat closes, stomach turns over), or I'll get a few bites into food that my body seems to be accepting, and then suddenly get nauseous and start to gag. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's become quite clear that there is something wrong. This isn't nerves, and it seems to have gone on too long for a virus. I'm going to have to take this one to the doctor. Gah.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas Sorrow

Mum's first cousin, Phyllida, passed away from leukaemia overnight Perth time, so Christmas afternoon / evening in London where Phyllida and her family live. She'd been sick for 18 months and had several setbacks recently (of the organ failure variety), and we'd been told a few days ago that there was no hope and little time. Phyllida was the same age as Mum (52) and completely healthy before the leukaemia struck. She was Mum's closest cousin and beloved by the whole family connection because she was just a nice, nice, nice person. She had a husband and a 17-year-old son who must be going through an unimaginable Christmas period dealing with this. I had only met Phyllida a couple of times, and while I liked her a lot I wasn't close to her, so I'm just quietly grieving, as much for the grief my closer relatives are feeling than for my own grief. Mum and my grandparents are devastated, as is a first cousin who lived in London for some time and knew Phyllida well, and other aunts, uncles and cousins who have visited her in London.

Keeping them all in your thoughts would be very much appreciated.

Christmas post in a few days when this has all sunk in.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


I stutter when I get nervous. I always have done. I hate hearing myself do it, but of course getting worked up about the stuttering makes me stutter even more! And since I've always been nervous in just about every social setting, even with family I've known all my life, there's been a lot of stuttering over the years.

Last night, Stepdad's family Christmas. I've known this lot since I was in my early teens, consider them family, and yes, have always had stuttering moments around them, particularly when speaking to my step-uncles and the one cousin my age.

This time - not a single stutter. And not because I stayed silent, either :D In fact I was in conversation pretty much constantly, and my voice never so much as wavered. I felt 100% secure in myself the entire time.

I also realised this morning that I haven't had any negative self-talk for at least a week.


Monday, December 22, 2008

Too Easy?

Do you ever get the feeling that things are just going too well and you're beginning to wonder where the catch is?

I'm feeling like that right now.

I got into the uni course I desperately wanted.

I wanted out of the education department, applied for one perfect job, and got it.

I just found out that since I resigned at the end of the year, the education department will move me back to Perth.


When will my luck run out?

I'm worried that the catch might be housing. It's more expensive in Perth but there are some not unreasonable places around, I just have to snag one. And I'm looking into sharing as well - keeping an eye on the share house adverts. I guess I'm feeling a little het up about it because there's currently nothing I can do - I can't start house-hunting until after Christmas because I don't have any money! I just want it settled and sorted and I feel kind of like it's going to get out of hand if I don't do something RIGHT NOW.

Of course . . . I could pack. That would help. But . . . nah :D

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sunday Weigh-In

I haven't done one of these for ages - I haven't been dieting consistently or concentrating at all, so I didn't really feel up to it.

Yesterday evening I thought I was looking a little chubby around the chin, so although my clothes aren't tight or anything, I thought I'd better hop on the scales this morning to see whether I'd gained any back. Better to know!

But . . .


I've LOST weight! It's been fluctuating between 73 and 74 for a couple of months now, with the odd dip down into the 72s. This, however, is the lowest that it's been! I'm still losing!

I guess I'm looking chubby around the throat because I've lost weight from around there and changed the balance. That happens to me a lot as I lose weight randomly off different bits of me lol.

I won't make the 60s by Christmas but I'm still not gaining and that's the main thing. If I can avoid gaining through Christmas I'll be right on track to start back on the Core plan on the 1st of January, and stick to it.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

This . . .

. . . is my new favourite thing.

It works. And it's GOOD. Gives a whole new meaning to the word 'cupcake', too. Try it!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Growing Again

As you all know, I'm a big fan of Getting Past Your Past. Today's entry was this guest blog, which is one reader's suggestion on how to deal with the inner voice that harps on about how much one is unloved, unwanted, unsatisfied etc. The blogger suggests that instead of the validating "there there, I know!" responses most of us give ourselves, we should actually just meet those needs. Nevermind that they were not met by someone else in our past: meet them, now. Give that voice nothing to complain about.


I cried when reading it, and later realised that, in an unconscious way, I've just done exactly that.

When we were kids and teens, my brother and I were both miserable at school, but we expressed it in different ways. I withdrew, he acted out. His way of asking for help was recognised, and he got switched between schools fairly regularly in an attempt to find the best environment for him. My way of asking for help wasn't actually noticed, ever. My parents never once came sailing in and dragged me out of a school I hated then hunted around for a better environment for me. They didn't know I wanted them to.

That rankled for a long time, and there were echoes of that in my distress throughout this year. "I hate the state school system, I'm so miserable, why won't someone come and rescue ME . . .". But someone did rescue me. I rescued me. I realised I couldn't stay in that environment, I found an alternative and I hauled myself out of one and into the other. It doesn't matter that it was me who came along and helped me when I needed it. Someone noticed, and someone did something about it.

I did need someone to rescue me. But it turned out that someone was me. Fancy that!

Day After

I signed my resignation form, cleaned out my classroom and handed over my keys today. It's really happening, I guess! It hasn't quite sunk in yet.

I'm on holidays from now until the 28th of January, and I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself, especially as I have only just enough money to get by on until I get paid on Christmas day. Plus it's 38 C here (100 F), very hot and rather humid, so I'm reduced to sitting in the living room in front of the air conditioner. I'm slightly hung over from the staff Christmas party last night (I was plied with wine and champagne by my congratulatory friends, and consequently got rather mellow) and generally feeling dozy. YAWWWWN!

Thursday, December 18, 2008


Oh heavens, I actually got it!

Dear Christine

Following our phone conversation I am formally offering you the position
of upper primary teacher at (the school's name).

You will be team-teaching with (another female teacher) and I will give her your
contact details in order that she can arrange to meet up with you. The new
term starts on Feb 2nd but the teachers will be back on Jan 28th.

I will post out to you more information about the position, a contract,
info about the Montessori workshop in January and some general info about
(school name). Meantime if you have any questions do not hesitate to contact me
by email or by mobile on (phone number).

Congratulations on a successful interview and welcome to the (school name)

Warm regards
(principal's name)


They've rearranged things slightly, so I'm now having the upper primary (years 4-6 I think) instead of the middle school (years 7-9) which is PERFECT for me. And the team teaching will be wonderful. And with any luck I'll get to do some music. I have plans to join a few music organisations around Perth once I get back as well.

I'm going to thoroughly enjoy my Christmas week, then launch into finding a house in Perth and getting myself sorted for the move. Ohhh this is going to be so much fun!

I am over the moon . . . can you tell? :)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I don't know whether it's the nervousness and anticipation over possibly changing jobs and moving back to Perth, or the sudden increase in hot weather, or both, but I constantly feel nauseous at the moment. I can't face stodgy or rich food at all and have trouble swallowing anything, even when I can feel my stomach grumbling with hunger. Sometimes it eases and I can eat light foods, but the thought of eating anything closes my throat most of the time. So I'm going around starving and feeling sick at the thought of food. YUCK!!

(No, I am not pregnant. No possible way whatsoever. So that is not the problem!)

I'm also currently having a little battle with myself, because I just got given a box of Cadbury Roses chocolates (my absolute favourite!) by a student. Common sense says I should share them with my class so I don't eat them all myself once this yicky feeling subsides. But my OMGLOVECHOCOLATE sense says I should keep them! Decisions, decisions :D

A little request and so on . . .

First up, if you're a praying sort of person, please spare a moment for the people injured in this crash. On my way back from Perth this afternoon I came across this accident only minutes after it happened. There were already about eight cars parked on either side, and a big truck wanting to get past, so I didn't stop but instead turned around and took back streets past the scene. I felt a bit silly for having gone around and thought it would probably have cleared by then anyway, but as I headed towards Northam I was passed by two ambulances, two marked police cars, one unmarked police car and a fire engine, all with their sirens and lights blazing, heading back towards the accident. As it says in the article, it was actually pretty serious (from what I saw it looked like a head-on). It's 10:30pm now and the radio says the road is still closed (it happened at about 5:30pm). It feels vaguely personal because I was there just after it happened, so if you have a moment, send a thought their way.

I had the job interview today, and I got a really positive vibe from it. The three interviewers nodded regularly at what I was saying, responded well to the things I expected them to relate to, and laughed at my jokes, which is always good! They made certain they had my contact details before I left, which is also good. They have promised to let me know by Friday, so three more days and most of the uncertainty will be gone. I'm extremely happy with how the interview went, so if I don't get it, it will be because someone else was better than me, not because I stuffed up or wasn't good enough, if you know what I mean? They're looking for someone who is strong in the humanities-literacy side and can teach the arts. Hello, me! I'm actually a perfect fit for what they're looking for, and they asked whether I would be willing to teach music across the board (yes yes yes!). I don't know how many other applicants there were, so I can't really say whether I'm confident. I'm just happy with how it went and would be very glad to get the job. I will let you all know!

We had a dinner for our graduating year sevens this evening, attended by only one of the three year sevens! I'm so immensely proud of her, she's our school captain and has just blossomed from being nervous about speaking in public to being a funny and confident speaker. I made a small speech too, and we gave her the year book, and generally ate and enjoyed ourselves lol. A nicely printed version of my speech was in the year book (as a letter), along with the letters for the two girls that weren't there. One of those girls is of course the lass who is being charged with assault, and the principal complimented the way I'd written her letter. I'm glad - it took me *ages* to write a one-page letter for her. What do you say to a 12-year-old in that kind of strife?! I tried to be positive and compassionate and encouraging, but without ignoring the trouble she's in or treating it as the "elephant in the room", and I think it came out well-balanced.

I'm quite exhausted after teaching all morning, driving to Perth, having the interview, driving back to Little Country Town, getting changed yet again and then going out to dinner. Time for bed, I think! Two teaching days left . . .

Monday, December 15, 2008

But what do I WANT?

The interview with the Montessori school is tomorrow, and I'm totally torn about the outcome. I do want to be back in the city, rather desperately. There are so many things I'd like to do, plans I'd like to make etc. But moving will be difficult. Affording the move will be difficult. There are disadvantages as well as the good stuff.

There are things I will miss about this town, like the space and the peace and the choir and some of the kids. But there are also things I will most definitely NOT miss.

On the balance I think I do want the Montessori job, but there will be some very hard stuff to get through if I get it.

In other news, I'm icing my head because I managed to swing my flute case into the corner of my eye socket & eyebrow while I was getting out of the car this evening. Nice look if I have a big bruise for the interview tomorrow!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Trying to Write

I'm actually getting to relax and do not much of anything this afternoon - finally! - and I'm trying to pull my creative writing together and actually get something written down.

I managed nearly 9000 words during NaNo, which is not bad given how busy I've been, but I re-read it and I don't think the concept is working out. Oh well . . .

I want to work on one project consistently over the summer. I know I want to write something for upper primary students (ages 10-12 and surrounds) and I know I want it to be fantasy/paranormal oriented, possibly beginning with a real-world setting. I have dozens of plot beginnings in files on my computer, but no clear idea of what to do with any of them. None of them are quite enough on their own, and I know some of them can be combined but I can't quite find the right combination. So many stories I want to tell!

Friday, December 12, 2008

LOL People

I found out a short while ago that some people I know online - people I respected online - have been publicly and complicitly bitching on their blogs about a whole lot of people on the website we frequent. I was amongst those being called names by these people.

I have done a huge amount of emotional growth this year, and changed a great deal, so it was interesting to observe the way I reacted to this. My first reaction resembled the old me, who was so riddled with insecurity that any external challenge to my self-belief had to be exterminated with extreme prejudice (misuse of phrase intentional! ). I wanted to go roaring in there and blast them.

But then the new me took over, and gently pointed out: "Why bother?".

And that's the end of it, really. Why bother? I can't control their reactions, their emotions, their beliefs. If they're so heavily invested that the naming tastes and interactions of internet acquaintances require such vitriol, that's their loss. I've been there and done that, and I know how bad it was for me, and what a negative headspace I was in until I kicked the habit of behaving like that. I occasionally slip up - as do we all! - but I no longer let fury at others define me. And I like it this way.

I am living healthily in mind, body and soul, and I do not let my past define, control or delude me. I know who I am, and I no longer have any need for this . . .

In other news, thank goodness it's the weekend. I'm EXHAUSTED. Four teaching days left . . .

ADDING: Lol again. I just found an entry by one of the above bloggers where this person bitched about a thread I'd started asking people what their favourite cat colouring was. This blogger compared my question to asking whether a boy or girl baby would be better (yeah because people totally choose that) and generally went on about how pathetic it was. I'm giggling madly over here. I haven't ever heard of anyone choosing a cat based on anything other than its appearance, whether they've gone for a particular breed or a particular colour of moggie. Honestly, if you're going to bitch about someone, at least choose something logical!

What would we do without nutty people to laugh at . . .

Thursday, December 11, 2008


I started this blog when I was 25, and now I'm 28. Yeep!

I've been having a great day, too, despite having had to work. Dad came up for our Presentation Night yesterday, and stayed over. We stayed up until 1am talking, and then this morning he gave me a card with money in it before he left. Yay!

The staff got me a really nice present, too, which I got at lunchtime :D

And then when I went to the post office after school I received a card from my grandmother with scratch-and-win tickets in it, on which I won $20, and more importantly, a package from Murdoch University saying that I got into the course I applied to do! I'm so excited :D I can't wait to enrol! And what a fantastic birthday present!

I'm happy in a way I'm not really used to. I'm very excited over the course, but the happiness itself isn't hysterical, desperate happiness, but rather contentment and recognition that the good parts of life are good no matter what else is going on. This is somewhat new for me, and I'm enjoying it. Y hallo thar, inner peace!

I think I've lost more weight somehow, too :D

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Not Good


Over the weekend one of the girls in my class, along with two girls from the private primary down the road, dragged an older girl out of her house and pretty much bashed her unconscious, broke all the windows in her house and stole various stuff from the family.

The bashed girl's family (including 5 and 7 year old girls from our school) have fled town for their own safety. The girl herself survived with a lot of bruises and a broken nose and has been discharged from hospital. The three girls involved in the bashing will be charged with aggravated burglary and assault occasioning grievous bodily harm.

These girls are twelve years old.

I've been trying my heart out all year to get this girl to understand that she is responsible for her actions, understand that other people have significant rights that cannot be messed with, understand that life is beautiful and special and should be treasured not thrown away. But when her mother is an alcoholic who regularly gets up in peoples' faces and has been known to bash people (she even threatened me once), what can you say to make a difference?

I'm just feeling broken. This girl is quite intelligent and creative and in a good environment she would have blossomed and could have done great things. Now? If she ever comes back from this and makes good in her life then she will be one of the extremely rare lucky ones. A GBH charge at 12 does not make for a bright future.


Monday, December 8, 2008

Well That Was Interesting

This morning, when I walked into the school at 8:15am, the instrumental music teacher walked up to me and said "hey, do you want a job?"
Me: "Errr?"
Her: "I need a secundo flauto. Are you on duty at lunchtime?"
Me: "Uh, no?"
Her: "Good, that's when our one and only rehearsal is. We're playing carols for the senior citizens tonight, can you be there?"
Me: "Uh, yeah?"
Her: "Good, have you got your flute here?"
Me: "No but I can go home and get it at lunchtime?"
Her: "Great, see you at lunchtime"
Me: "Ok . . ."

So this evening I played Christmas carols for half an hour for the senior citizens' Christmas dinner. We got to practise half of the pieces at lunchtime, so I was playing those for the second time, and I had to just sight read the rest. And for added entertainment, I was sight reading the descant counterpoint, not just the melody, for half of them; and transposing up an octave as well.

It was HARD.

But it was fun, too. A huge challenge but really invigorating. And much better for me than watching TV lol.

Sunday, December 7, 2008


I'm worn out, but the party, although small, was wonderful fun and I'm glad I went to the effort after all! The highlight of the night was walking out of town to beyond the street lights to look at the stars.

I'm vegging out today, relaxing and resting and trying to get my head around the last 9 teaching days of the year.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Beyond Tired

I stayed up until 1am last night trying to get my reports done, but didn't manage it because blasted SIS timed out and wiped some of my comments AAARGH. So I got up early, went in early and fixed it all up (and of course the principal decided she wanted them Monday anyway - gah gah gah I knew she would do that but of course I couldn't take the risk that she wouldn't GAAAAAH). So now I'm trying to get the house ready for having people up tomorrow. It was supposed to be a party but since I'm in the country hardly anyone has decided to come so there's only a handful of people coming up. I'm going to love having them here, but it feels so insane to be trying to get my house into order for five to ten guests! I'm trying to stay awake and functioning and keep tidying the house until midnight, then I intend to sleep until 8, get up, do some housework, go to Big Country Town to shop, come back, do more housework and hopefully finish up by the time people arrive (why oh why did I say 1pm . . . yeah it was so people could spend the afternoon then go back to Perth but OMG 1pm hardly any time at all). I'm unbelievably tired and just want to crash out but I have to get some more tidying done first. Once the stayovers leave on Sunday I'm going to sleep for the rest of the day!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Sometimes There's Nothing You Can Do . . .

I'll freely admit that my tiredness is often my own fault. I don't go to sleep early enough or with enough dedication sometimes. Other times it's insomnia, or just difficult circumstances, but most often it's just my bad sleeping habits.

Last night, however, was SO NOT MY FAULT.

At 9pm I was dozing off on the couch, so I decided I'd go to bed early and get a long night's sleep before getting up early. So I took a sleeping tablet, read for a little while then switched the light out. Despite the fact that the tablet was pulling me under, I had trouble getting off to sleep because the bogong moths were being noisy and the people across the road from me were talking out the front of their house and receiving text messages rather noisily. Just as I was dropping off at about 10:30 I heard a rumble of thunder. Then I awoke again at about 11:30 when a cracker of a thunderstorm went over. I was too much under the influence of the sleeping pill to wake up properly and enjoy it, but it was too noisy, between the constant thunder and the rain and I suspect hail too, for me to get back to sleep. Finally after about an hour I did drop off again. Then at about 4am I was awoken by a cacophony from my study, which is full of boxes and stuff I'm trying to sort into them. I went in and found a dead mouse in the doorway and Jemima chasing a very much live rabbit around the boxes. I chased the cat out, but I couldn't catch the rabbit so I shut the study door with the rabbit still inside, put the mouse in the bin and went back to sleep. About an hour and a half later I awoke to a funny noise and found that it was getting light and Jem had another rabbit, this one dead, on the floor of my bedroom. I hissed at her, put the rabbit in the bin (picking it up in an old cloth!) and went back to bed yet again. Just as I was dropping off, the sun rose, shining through my open window straight into my eyes. I groaned, rolled over, dropped back to sleep for about an hour, and then my alarm went off.

I really feel that the universe must have had it in for me last night - I did the right thing, went to bed early, and . . . argh!

(In case you're wondering, I opened the study door before I left for school this morning, and I assume Jemima has caught and dealt with the live rabbit! I don't mind her eating them as they're an agricultural pest, but I really wish she wouldn't bring them inside).

In other news, I'm very excited because I have a job interview at a Montessori school in the hills, in the suburb next to where Mum lives. I want this job so very much, but I have to get through the interview first and that's not for a couple of weeks! December 16th is the day. They've already spoken to my referees which is a good sign lol. I'd love to get back to Perth. I haven't lived in the city or suburbs with a car of my own before, and the possibilities are taking my breath away. Back with my friends . . . able to go where I want . . . NOT doing a 100km round trip every time I need groceries . . . there's even a choir I can sing in which I never knew about! I'm trying not to get too excited because it's by no means certain, but I'm hopeful.