Not Having a Wonderful Day

This morning a child tried to hurt me for the second time in two weeks. Last week he dug his fingers into my hand while shaking hands (the morning handshake is a normal Montessori thing), and that's my bad hand so I ended up having to ice it and not being able to lift anything heavy all day; and this was after I'd previously and clearly warned him that I had a sensitive hand and his handshakes had to be careful. Today he 'patted me on the shoulder' so hard that my shoulder was still aching two hours later. I immediately went and told the principal, nearly crying, and the principal had a LONG chat with him then a talk with both of us and the child accepted that he'd done the wrong thing and understood why it was a problem (he's a very defiant, confused and complicated child, behind academically and socially too) so that was somewhat okay, but it didn't make me feel great.

Then my co-teacher made a mistake in dealing with a child that allowed a child to make a false accusation against her - for the second time. She went home feeling sick (and partly because the principal was concerned that the child's parents would be violent towards her), so I was left all on my own with the kids all afternoon. We had an alright afternoon, it was okay, just exhausting because I was trying to be two people and deal with twice as many questions and queries all afternoon. And I'm upset with her for being so thoughtless, furious with the parents and the trouble-making kids for putting her in that position, and generally irritated at the whole Parent vs Teacher mentality that allows children to get away with monstrous disrespect and hide behind their parents' blindness.

So I get home eventually, knowing that we have a rent inspection tomorrow. We're going to hit the dusting and mopping when my housemate gets home, which is fine, but I spent my after school time doing two loads of washing, tidying various things, moving boxes, and generally getting the house ready for cleaning. In the process I managed to cut my thumb, and seconds later (while still looking at the thing I cut my thumb on), nearly shut Jemima in a door, and did hit her around the head with it by accident. At that point Jem went under the bed to sulk and I lay down on the floor and cried like I'd wanted to since the kid hit me this morning. I still feel like howling but I managed to pull myself together and go make dinner. I still need to wash the dishes, and my housemate still isn't home so there's still the wiping and dusting and sweeping and mopping to be done together when she gets here. I'm not tired exactly, just emotionally worn out and wanting to have a really good cry, preferably not while on a floor. What a day!

On the upside, I'm getting an even better laptop than originally planned - they can't do it in purple in the time frame, so I'm getting the black one but with enhancements as compensation. I'm going to buy one of those stick-on vinyl tops, probably using one of my own photos of UWA, to customise it. It'll probably be even cooler that way than with purple, and I can change it if I get bored :D This laptop is going to be all kinds of awesome.

Addendum: the house is clean, and I'm about to have a lovely shower then an even more lovely glass of Bailey's as I settle into bed with a book. I had a chat to Mum and a long extended whinge to my housemate and I'm feeling much better now. I rather suspect there's something hormonal going on, on top of everything else!

Interesting

I've rarely had a holiday as long as this one since I finished school. Most summers when I've been studying I've still had a part-time job, and I've never taken this long off a full-time job. And when one's only been studying the holidays don't quite have the same impact, especially if you're not on campus every day.

So . . . what's interesting is that I've found that there's actually a limit to how long I want to be on holiday, and this is about it. I'm bored. I'm restless. I'm getting irritable because I've done all my holiday pastimes to death and they're not as much fun any more. My sleeping schedule is even starting to right itself as I feel more and more like I've had enough of this structureless lifestyle. I want to go back to work. Yes, I said it. I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK. GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO!!!

I'm writing this down with every intention of reading it when things start to get exhausting towards the end of this year. I don't want to forget that this feeling is possible. No matter how much I may long for the holidays during term, I wouldn't want them to go on forever.

It's also interesting that this is the first time EVER that I've gone back to full-time work after a holiday or break without a sense of sickening dread. The archaeology job made me constantly sick with anxiety, and the public school wasn't much better, even before I started working there I was at a fever-pitch of nerves. With the Montessori school I'm just eager to get started. Yet more evidence that things are finally going right!

I'm HAPPY! o_O

Well, I'm here.

I'm on horribly slow dialup, a temporary service provided by my ISP until my broadband gets connected. It's maddening - I can't believe the internet was ever this slow, let alone slower! - but at least I could clear the 50 emails and check a few sites lol.

I didn't end up getting packed on Sunday - an idiot at the removals office read the name of my town, associated it with the name of a very similar-sounding town 200km south, and sent them there instead. This was not discovered until I phoned mid-afternoon to see where they were and the guy asked which major town I was near, and was then like ". . . oh." So they came at the crack of dawn, 6:30am, on Monday, and packed and moved me all in one day.

Tuesday I went back to clean the old house, but it was hot and I was tired and my 12yo sister came with me to "help" but finding jobs for her to do turned out to be a nuisance, so I put off finishing the clean until Thursday. On Wednesday I unpacked, again with 12yo sister's help, rather more successful this time but I'm still only half unpacked. Thursday I finished cleaning the old house, handed over the keys and said goodbye to that town. It hasn't sunk in yet, no doubt it will!

And that brings me to Friday. I've got to unpack and sort enough boxes today so that my housemate can move in comfortably tomorrow. I've got a long day ahead of me and I'm still quite tired, and aching all over because my body is not used to this kind of exercise! It's probably doing me the world of good to do a week's hard physical labour, but my thigh muscles and calf muscles and back muscles think I'm an idiot.

I think I got bitten by a spider for the first time ever on Wednesday. I was unpacking kitchen stuff when my right big toe started to ache and itch and burn like crazy. Not quite get-me-to-a-hospital painful (which since I had no petrol and a twelve year old in tow is a good thing!) but very sore. Rubbing and massaging didn't help so I just sucked it up and got on with unpacking with a limp. Later I had another look and there was a dark red spot right where the centre of the pain had been. No lump or obvious puncture wounds, just discolouration. Later I did find a small garden spider of some sort in the kitchen, but I've no idea whether it was that or any other spider. It stopped hurting by that evening and the spot is gone now, so whatever it was that bit me, it clearly wasn't one of the dangerous ones!

I'm really liking the new house. It's a 1950s cream brick house with wooden window and door frames, fairly run down but with recently re-tiled floors which lift the whole thing. The neighbours have sheep, I'm getting used to the railway freight line right across the road, there's a tiny general store around the corner, and the house and its environs just have a nice feel to them. For the first time ever, I can imagine staying put in a rental house! I'd like to stay here until I'm ready to buy, if I can. I really like it and I feel at home at long last. In all areas of my life - accommodation, job, location, hobbies, I'm happy with my life and plans RIGHT NOW. Not the plans for later, the plans I'm working towards eventually, but the plans for the next few weeks and months. This is a new experience!

*Flop*

There's a million more things I could do around the house to be ready for the packers, but it is at least in a state where I won't be disgraced when they get here, and right now that's enough because I'm beat and HAVE to sit down for a while. I've had 5 hours' sleep three nights running and three very busy and stressful days (I didn't tell you about the car battery dying on Friday and Dad's valiant rescue of me, the car, and my need for bond money since the government sucks, but yeah, Friday was intense) . . . and I'm physically and mentally wiped. I have to have some down time or I'm going to wind up sobbing on the packing teams' shoulders.

Which, I'm sure, is not a novelty for them. They probably move many teachers in an even worse state of distress than I am in! It's still 10 days before state school teachers go back (9 days for me) so this is luxuriously early for a move. Many people haven't even got this years' school placements yet, let alone a moving day. So I should just chill the hell out. It could be worse!

(. . . "There could be snakes on here with us!" - thanks, Mr Pratchett)

The phone (and thus internet) at this house will be disconnected tomorrow and it'll take up to 5 working days for the phone, then another 5-10 for the internet after that, to be set up at the new house. So I'm going to be out of regular internet contact for a couple of weeks. I'll be online for sure - the local library has internet computers and so does the school, and I'll be at both frequently! - but I won't be sitting around on the internet a lot. I may go nuts. Or I may get a whole heap of writing and flute practise done. Who can say?

WAAAAAAH

So, the removalists phoned today (Saturday). They're packing me tomorrow afternoon and moving me on Monday.

HEEEEEEEEELP!

I completely discombobulated the house so that I could sort boxes and throw stuff away, thinking I would have at least a couple of days' warning before the packing team arrived - not 20 hours' notice and when I was 2 hours from home! There is SO much sorting and tidying to do, and it's already got to nearly 8pm and it's still over 30 C and as sticky and humid as a sauna and looking like it's going to storm, and I had a late night (stayed over at Dad's and nattered until nearly 2am) and an early start (up at 7:30 to get to the Montessori foundation course) and sat on hard chairs in the course all day so I'm stiff as a board, and both my hands ache for various reasons and my knee is acting up . . .

In a nutshell, BAWWWWW.

I don't know how on earth I'm going to be ready for a packing team who are turning up "tomorrow afternoon" when I don't know what time . . . I'm an Aspie, I need a deadline! *panics*

This is going to be a LONG night, and I only have four frozen cupcakes and no chocolate or diet coke. Maybe I should run up to the servo and remedy that before it closes in 10 minutes.

. . . yeah, I should.

But before I do that, because I won't have time to do a proper entry on it, I LOVED the Montessori course and found it inspiring and validating and brought me right back to my roots as a self-regulation raised child and a firm believer in self-directed education and respectful pedagogy. I am totally in the right place.

Oh, and it turns out that my new principal taught my brother during his time at a Montessori high school, the presenter of the course taught my cousins at another Montessori school, and one of the teacher aides is the mother of a boy who was in 10yo brother's class at the public school he started school at. LOL Perth.

I HAVE A HOUSE!

The completely insane train of luck continues.

We applied for one house, and got it. Just like that.

The removalists say I'll be going sometime next week, probably the 20th or 21st like I originally asked for.

It's all happening!

WHEEEE!

Edited to add: AND, get this - we want to replace the curtains in the rental house because they're those chiffon tab curtains that are basically see-through. Right now, Spotlight (fabric, craft & homewares store) has 25% off tab top and eyelet curtains for VIP members. I'm a VIP member. *falls down in a dead faint*

When I told her this, my housemate-to-be asked whether I'd saved a leprechaun. She may be on to something.

Welcome to 2009

As a child, I always felt that it was most unreasonable that the dates and days didn't relate directly to each other. The week starts on a Sunday, so the year ought to start on a Sunday too, right? The mismatch really bothered me as a kid, and I was reminded of it today because, damnit, it feels like Sunday and it's actually Thursday.

Anyway . . .

My Sunday weigh-ins are going to be augmented this year with other statistics. As well as weight-related stuff I'm going to be posting the number of fiction words I've written each week (I'm going for a minimum of 500/day, but over the holidays I hope to get some stored up against the busy times!). I have a vague idea about some other things I'm going to post as well, but we'll see about those later in the year when normal life gets started again.

I can't believe it's January quite yet . . . I start a new job in 28 days and have to move house before then . . . this is going to be an interesting month!

I GOT IT!

Oh heavens, I actually got it!

Dear Christine

Following our phone conversation I am formally offering you the position
of upper primary teacher at (the school's name).

You will be team-teaching with (another female teacher) and I will give her your
contact details in order that she can arrange to meet up with you. The new
term starts on Feb 2nd but the teachers will be back on Jan 28th.

I will post out to you more information about the position, a contract,
info about the Montessori workshop in January and some general info about
(school name). Meantime if you have any questions do not hesitate to contact me
by email or by mobile on (phone number).

Congratulations on a successful interview and welcome to the (school name)
community.


Warm regards
(principal's name)
Principal

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

They've rearranged things slightly, so I'm now having the upper primary (years 4-6 I think) instead of the middle school (years 7-9) which is PERFECT for me. And the team teaching will be wonderful. And with any luck I'll get to do some music. I have plans to join a few music organisations around Perth once I get back as well.

I'm going to thoroughly enjoy my Christmas week, then launch into finding a house in Perth and getting myself sorted for the move. Ohhh this is going to be so much fun!

I am over the moon . . . can you tell? :)

But what do I WANT?

The interview with the Montessori school is tomorrow, and I'm totally torn about the outcome. I do want to be back in the city, rather desperately. There are so many things I'd like to do, plans I'd like to make etc. But moving will be difficult. Affording the move will be difficult. There are disadvantages as well as the good stuff.

There are things I will miss about this town, like the space and the peace and the choir and some of the kids. But there are also things I will most definitely NOT miss.

On the balance I think I do want the Montessori job, but there will be some very hard stuff to get through if I get it.

In other news, I'm icing my head because I managed to swing my flute case into the corner of my eye socket & eyebrow while I was getting out of the car this evening. Nice look if I have a big bruise for the interview tomorrow!

Well That Was Interesting

This morning, when I walked into the school at 8:15am, the instrumental music teacher walked up to me and said "hey, do you want a job?"
Me: "Errr?"
Her: "I need a secundo flauto. Are you on duty at lunchtime?"
Me: "Uh, no?"
Her: "Good, that's when our one and only rehearsal is. We're playing carols for the senior citizens tonight, can you be there?"
Me: "Uh, yeah?"
Her: "Good, have you got your flute here?"
Me: "No but I can go home and get it at lunchtime?"
Her: "Great, see you at lunchtime"
Me: "Ok . . ."

So this evening I played Christmas carols for half an hour for the senior citizens' Christmas dinner. We got to practise half of the pieces at lunchtime, so I was playing those for the second time, and I had to just sight read the rest. And for added entertainment, I was sight reading the descant counterpoint, not just the melody, for half of them; and transposing up an octave as well.

It was HARD.

But it was fun, too. A huge challenge but really invigorating. And much better for me than watching TV lol.

Beyond Tired

I stayed up until 1am last night trying to get my reports done, but didn't manage it because blasted SIS timed out and wiped some of my comments AAARGH. So I got up early, went in early and fixed it all up (and of course the principal decided she wanted them Monday anyway - gah gah gah I knew she would do that but of course I couldn't take the risk that she wouldn't GAAAAAH). So now I'm trying to get the house ready for having people up tomorrow. It was supposed to be a party but since I'm in the country hardly anyone has decided to come so there's only a handful of people coming up. I'm going to love having them here, but it feels so insane to be trying to get my house into order for five to ten guests! I'm trying to stay awake and functioning and keep tidying the house until midnight, then I intend to sleep until 8, get up, do some housework, go to Big Country Town to shop, come back, do more housework and hopefully finish up by the time people arrive (why oh why did I say 1pm . . . yeah it was so people could spend the afternoon then go back to Perth but OMG 1pm hardly any time at all). I'm unbelievably tired and just want to crash out but I have to get some more tidying done first. Once the stayovers leave on Sunday I'm going to sleep for the rest of the day!

Limbo

When my DVD player is left on pause or a menu screen for more than a couple of minutes, the picture disappears and is replaced with a simple screensaver: the logo of the DVD player brand in an oval that slowly moves across the screen, "bounces" off the "side" of the screen, moves off in a new direction, "bounces" again etc.

That is what my mind is like at the moment, and I'm having trouble shaking it long enough to do anything useful, even things that absolutely critically must be done by tomorrow.

The three "sides" are the three options I listed the other day.

Option 1: The principal isn't offered a position elsewhere and retains her position at our school, and I don't get a job elsewhere. This will be HIDEOUS. The woman has it in for me now because she knows that I know that she isn't doing her job properly. The mere thought of it makes me feel sick, and that's without even considering the fact that I'll also still be putting up with this particular set of idiotic parents and ratbag kids as well.

Option 2: The principal gets a job somewhere else and/or is refused the continuation of her job at our school, and I don't manage to get a job elsewhere and am therefore stuck at the school for the time being. This is an unknown quantity. I have no doubt that one of this principal's outgoing acts as principal would be to badmouth everyone who has ever had a negative word to say about her, staff and parents and kids alike (and I will by no means be the only staff member on her hit-list!). However any decent principal would take that kind of thing with a grain of salt and get to know everyone for themselves. So it could be awful or it could be fine. I'd still be stuck with the other issues with this school and this town.

Option 3: I get a job elsewhere and go. I can't get a job anywhere else in the state system (staffing were like "oh well it's better for the school to have stability so we will probably just ignore any application or take away your ability to get permanency if you did move, which you couldn't because we wouldn't move you . . ." - I fail to see how sending staff members crazy because they're in a placement they hate benefits the system!). I'm applying for everything eligible that comes up in the private sector. There's one job at a Montessori school which I want so much it hurts, and I'm just trying not to think about it because I can't afford to get my hopes up. This is obviously my preferred option.

So basically I'm sitting here switching my mind between the three options, going "that is unbearable and likely - that could happen but I don't know when we'll find out - I want this so badly but can't do anything more to help it along". Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

AAAARGH

Security vs Happiness

There are a number of things that could happen from here.

1. I stay here, and so does the principal, and I have a horrible couple of years until I can get a transfer somewhere else.

2. I stay here and the principal moves on, and things improve or don't but either way I'm not dealing with her.

3. I get a job in the private sector and leave this stupid town and the cow of a principal behind entirely.

Now, all three of those are conditional on other people - on the education department's handling of the principal and on other schools considering me for a job. But the last has the advantage that - even if it doesn't come through and I'm only actively seeking it - I'm not passive.

I realised today that I HATE the public school system. I hate the rigidity and the meanness and the impersonality and the bureaucracy and the whole package. I hate what it does to the kids, and I hate what it's doing to ME. I do not like the person I am becoming as a teacher, and that worries me. The system is still so punitive and negative and them-against-us that I'm starting to buy into it, starting to accept the lies about children and childhood that feed the machine. NO!!!!! That is not what I want out of life and not what I expect from myself. I really feel that I want to get out of the public system entirely.

I just submitted an application to teach at a Montessori school in the suburb nextdoor to where Mum lives - back in my beloved hills. There's two more positions to apply for, at a protestant Christian school two suburbs from where Mum lives. And a few at Catholic schools in the south-west. I'm going to apply and apply and apply until I get something outside of the state system, no matter what. Whether it's in the city or the country, whether it's Catholic or Protestant or Steiner or Montessori or simply Alternative, I want to be out of the impersonal machine and into the world that believes that children are the REASON for what we do, not an impediment to it!

I'm feeling empowered right now. I'm not sitting back and letting stuff happen to me, but going out and looking for a better future. Yay for me.

This may mean being pinched financially, having a more demanding landlord, more house moves and many other things over the coming years. But miserable security is not living.

Watching History

I know it's old news, but I haven't really had a chance this week to stop and revel in the fact that the United States has elected an African-American president.

The fact that they have done this with a history like theirs gives me hope that we can do the same despite a history like ours.