Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Saturday, November 8, 2008


Yesterday was S's birthday. I didn't even realise until towards the end of the day, when I'd written the date several times in succession and noticed that the date (7/11) was the opposite of my brother's (11/7), and then remembered that S's had been the opposite of my brother's (which is just weird as they have the same first name lol). I briefly wondered whether S had expected me to contact him on his birthday, and whether he was surprised that I hadn't contacted him then or at any other time since I got my stuff back. I didn't really need to know, I just vaguely wondered.

Then I got on to thinking about something that happened before S's birthday last year. We'd been out on two successful dates, one to the movies and one to the zoo, on two successive weekends. Then S phoned me up on the Monday or Tuesday and asked if I could go out with him during the day on the Thursday. I was studying and I had to work in the evening, so I said I wasn't sure. He took on a funny hurt tone and said that it was "really important to him". I was a bit taken aback, thought for a moment and remembered that he'd mentioned his birthday at some point. I remembered that it was November but hadn't remembered the exact date he'd given. I guessed that it must be his birthday, and said "oh, it's your birthday, isn't it?". His response was an ever-so-slightly sarcastic "Yay! You remembered!".

A nice, decent, good guy would have phoned up and said "Hey Christine, it's my birthday on Thursday and I'd really love to spend some time with you - are you free?". Conversely, a nice, decent, good guy would not have used his upcoming birthday as a passive-aggressive TRAP to check how much his new girlfriend had remembered about him after two dates.

That, right there, should have been a GREAT BIG RED FLAG. I was embarrassed and uncomfortable and taken aback that he would be sarcastic because I'd forgotten a date he'd probably only mentioned once. And I can see now that his backwards way of finding out whether I remembered, and the fact that he was already trying to set me up to fail at being perfect, should have been a warning to get out immediately.

Something else to look out for in the future!


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