And What Have You Done?

I started out this year full of fire and fierce hopes, but like all years it's been a mixed bag.

Today, the novel stands at 51,867 words. That's not bad. It's more than double my previous total words written on a project. It's not finished, but it's more than half finished, so I think I'm content with my efforts given how difficult some parts of this year have been.

I've been on a mild SSRI anti-anxiety medication since shortly after my last post, and it has helped immensely with the panic and fight-or-flight responses I was having to my workload. I'm still not sure whether the not coping was due to a chemical imbalance, or whether the chemical imbalance was caused by the workload being absurd, but either way I'm coping a bit better.

The high points of this year included my brother-in-law's lovely wedding, seeing the house where my mother grew up in Nottingham, travelling around the UK a bit, celebrating our first wedding anniversary (I did a video but it's too long to post here, and I don't suppose you lot want to sit for 14 minutes looking at wedding and honeymoon pictures really!), Munchkin starting Year 1, finding the heritage-listed gravestones of my ancestors, spending an enchanted week with the SCA at Raglan Castle in Wales, and losing around a stone through Weight Watchers. 

Aha! Oho!

Australia Day is not quite the same in England.

Making friends at his uncle's wedding.

7 Magdala Road, Nottingham: my mother's childhood home.

Surprise awesome park stop in Yorkshire.

 

Robin Hood's Bay.

Bridge Farm in Almeley, Herefordshire. My great-great-grandfather, Arthur William Dew, was living here in 1871 aged 2.

In the ongoing storage fight in Munchkin's tiny bedroom, I sewed a bookshelf.

Theme park day.

Raglan Castle, Wales

Caution: Archery

Sightseeing in Chichester.

Boarding the plane in Dubai en route to Perth.

A park in Glen Forrest, Perth. My father and I sat on the play equipment, drank coffee and talked.

The graves of my direct ancestors and their relatives, Ashurst, Kent.

Apropos.

6:15am, 25/12/2013

It's been mild so far, but the frost will come.

The low point of the year was, of course, losing my grandmother Jean. Here's some photos of her, just because.

Aged 4, growing up in Liverpool.

Aged 19.

With my grandfather Paul, and their children: (back) Mark, Penny, Nicola; (front) Jonquil, David, Erica, Leonora.

Mum, me, Jean, about 2001.

My first university graduation, 2003.

Family Gathering in 2009.

 It's been a year of big events, lots of weddings and lots of driving - from Newcastle-upon-Tyne in the north east to Southampton on the south coast, west to Shropshire and Herefordshire and out to Raglan, and down in the south east to Kent... I've covered a lot of ground this year, and enjoyed it. There's been new babies (though alas still not one of my own yet) and a few people have left us. Certainly a memorable year.

I haven't got a lot of big goals for 2014. Keep writing the book until it is done, then edit it and start on something new. Keep losing weight, until I hit my goal. Try to get a masters application accepted and funded to start next October, on a Heritage theme. Cope at school. Write another Christmas play. Take more photographs. Go for more walks. See more of this amazing country. Make more garb. Sleep properly. Wear interesting clothes. Have some fun. Blog regularly?

Happy new year, everyone!

Sharing My Workout...

I started off two weeks ago with a workout 20 minutes long and using 680g weights. I've crept it up to 30 minutes now and 1.13kg weights, and I plan to keep creeping... an hour is my length goal, and once I've conquered the 2.27kg dumbells lurking in the back of the cupboard I'll look at investing in something heavier. It's baby steps, but they feel awesome. I'm getting in a session on Mondays, Wednesdays and either Friday or Saturday each week depending on energy & privacy levels on those days. It's working!

One of the things I set out to counter with this particular exercise routine was my peculiar hatred of counting repetitions. Ask me to do twenty situps and I'll get annoyed with the counting by about 5. My brain does a lot of drifting when I exercise, and I think I need that to keep going, so counting brings me back to the physical activity in a way that actually makes the activity harder. To deal with this, I've used songs with distinct patterns, and I use those patterns instead of counting: e.g. I do star jumps for the whole of this verse, then switch to weight curls for the chorus, then situps for the next verse, etc. I'm cramming in a lot of different exercises targeting different muscle groups, and I can already feel it making a difference. I have more energy, stamina and strength, and I no longer ache post-workout or feel like I can't walk the next day. I've not exercised this frequently since I was a teenager, and it's really quite a remarkable feeling. I might even be becoming someone who craves exercise. Fancy that!!

I thought I'd share the 8 songs that currently make up my 30-minute workout. They're all songs in which I find the tune uplifting and moving; a couple of them have lyrics that also lift my spirit. The last one always leaves me with its eponymous emotion, even at the end of a hard workout, and the buzz I get from finishing on that high note always leaves me feeling I could go that little bit further.

1. Celtic Woman: Granuaile's Dance

2. Voices of Ireland: Star of the County Down

3. Enya: The River Sings

4. Celtic Woman: Mo Ghile Mear

5. Mediaeval Baebes: Return of the Birds

6. John Parr: St Elmo's Fire

7. Celtic Woman: The Sky and the Dawn and the Sun

8. Loreen: Euphoria

Enjoy!

PS: In story news, I am currently sitting on 12,957 words, with today's writing session yet to come. Pretty much double my expected total for this point. Oh, yes.

A Year of Living Christinely

Back in November, I tried for the umpteenth time to do NaNoWriMo. And, like most years, Stuff happened. It seemed to happen with particular vigour this time: a chest infection, an OFSTED inspection and the winter vomiting bug , all in a row. By the time the crises were over, I was too far behind to catch up. Again.

But finally it dawned on me that writing a set amount each day until it's done is what a lot of real authors do anyway. They just don't try to cram it into one manic month. I knew this, but I didn't, too. I guess it finally sank in!

I mulled this over in the last couple of weeks of the year, then in the last few days after Christmas knuckled down and chose a plot and sorted out my characters, and on the first of January the words started to flow. In the first five days I've already written around 2750 words - which is more than I've managed in some NaNoWriMo attempts!

My target for each day is a mere 250 words. That's less than this blog post will be by the time it's finished. At that rate, I should finish the first draft sometime in October. With 9 weeks of holiday between now and then, and with the potential for days when inspiration comes thick and fast, it could be sooner.

Now, it's not speedy and it's surely not as much as I'm capable of, but it's doable no matter what happens. If the munchkin gets chicken pox or we all have gastro for the third time this winter or the boiler breaks or whatever... I can still crank out a measly 250 words every. single. day.

This book is getting written, damn it!

I'm trying to make a few little lifestyle changes alongside the writing effort, too. This year looks to be an astonishingly stable one for me: job, house and relationship are all firmly set and highly unlikely to change. This year should be a bit of a breather, a chance to put things in place and get into a routine with the certainty of (hopefully!) knowing what's coming next. We're finding ways to take a more structured approach to managing the household, and I'm looking at a routine to work on my fitness without costing us any money and with minimal time loss in our already-hectic schedule. Small steps, but good ones.

I'm not making any resolutions, except to stick to the goals I've got: get fitter, write book, maintain house, teach well, love my family and enjoy myself.

Happy New Year!

Plotting

I'm setting myself a bit of a challenge as a writer at the moment: to plot/plan my new work only, with no scripting or writing permitted, for two months.

In my early 20s, I worked very hard on what I intended to be my first novel. But in 2004, at around the 20,000 mark, I hit fatal plot flaws and had to abandon all the work I'd done on it. The failure of that novel attempt really shook me up. Since then, I've barely written more than a couple of thousand words on any project, and that rarely. I'd say that in the past 6 years my output of genuine novel composition would barely top 10,000 words.

Initially, I went into planning overdrive. I was so fixated on not getting part way through then falling down that I refused to let myself write without having every itty bitty detail sorted out. So I spent countless hours fidgeting with character profiles and defining currencies and making maps and generally avoiding doing the actual writing bit.

Then, I got frustrated with myself for never writing anything, forbade any further procrastination, and forced myself to just write.

This went about as well as you might expect... my characters rocketed through their (well-imagined) starting scenarios then drifted aimlessly as I had no clear idea of how to get them from there to the intended finishing point. I've always been good at starting scenarios, but fine-detail plotting is more of a challenge. Without it, I was sunk. Repeatedly.

So I've decided to try giving myself a timeline and boundaries. Between now and the end of my honeymoon, writing is prohibited, but I have to spend a bit of time planning every single day. Any and all planning is allowed, including obsessive world-building, but by the end of those two months I have to have a workable chapter and scene list.

At the end of those two months, I have one month to write as fast as I can. The planning should be done and I will have 4 weeks of school holidays in which to pour out something resembling the first few chapters of a YA fantasy novel.

When school goes back I don't know what will happen, but hopefully I will have developed good planning and writing habits that will allow me to keep going at a gentler pace.

The honeymoon is a good marker for all of this, as I'm going on my first ever cruise and seeing 5 new cities in 3 new countries, so I'll head into the writing stage full of new inspiration and atmosphere. Seeing bits of France and Spain for the first time (and Guernsey!) can't help but fuel creativity, right?

NotNaNoWriMo

Blessed Samhain / Happy Halloween for yesterday, everyone!

I was thinking about myself this time last year, the difficult times and revelations I'd been having, my growing awareness that my self-image and lifestyle had to change, my hopes and my dreams and my fears. It's astonishing to think just how far I've come. I've realised several of my dreams and I am working towards others. I'm so much more confident and comfortable in myself, and so very happy.

Traditionally, this is the time of year when I blog about NaNoWriMo. I have attempted it most years since 2006, although using "attempt" may be stretching the definition. Most years it's involved writing a couple of paragraphs, hating them and giving up. In 2008 I managed more than 8000 words, and in 2010 I got over 14,000. With both, however, I lost the momentum to continue long before the month was over. The 2008 attempt suffered from catastrophic plot failure, while in 2010 I was unable to relax and concentrate with my volatile ex in the house - I only managed what I did because he was away for the first week of November. When he came back, writing stopped and so did my NaNo attempt.

This year I'm not doing NaNoWriMo. This is partly in recognition of my current life circumstances: it wouldn't be fair to anyone in the family, myself included, to hide away writing for a month. But equally, it's because I am reassessing my whole writing process. I'm currently fired up with ideas, the latest iteration of a long-term fantasy project, but I am approaching it carefully. I don't want to write massive swathes of text in a hurry, hate it the first time I re-read it, get discouraged, abandon it and go into a months-long non-writing funk. That's my usual pattern and it's unproductive. Since it doesn't work for me, and has never worked for me, it's time to try something else.

So, I'm taking the somewhat drastic decision that I'll be doing my writing on paper from now on. I know you're all looking at me as if I've gone mad, but there it is. One of my greatest obstacles in actually getting things written is the temptation of the internet, both in terms of social networking and in terms of 'looking things up' for my writing - usually things I don't actually need to know. It's no co-incidence that my writing output dropped dramatically when I first got internet access, and has declined further as my internet connections have got better. I'm going to take my time, write slowly, hand-craft my words away from shiny flashing distracting things. No tempting search engines, no Facebook, no I'll-just-make-avatar-portraits-for-each-character... none of that. Just me, a pen, and words. We'll see how it goes.

Thus, no NaNoWriMo for me. I can't write at that pace and transcribe fast enough to keep up with the required word count. But I will be writing, and I hope that this time they will be quality words that stand the test of December.

Wish me luck!

(NB: I am adding a new page to the blog today, as I'm starting a one-photo-every-day challenge. The page will showcase the pictures I've taken, updated daily or weekly depending on how busy I am. Look out for it!)

Awen

Awen (noun): poetic inspiration. From the Indo-European root *-uel, meaning 'to blow'.

I love the concept of awen. A wind blowing through your soul, bringing inspiration in its wake. I've only recently discovered the term, in reading about modern Druidic tradition amongst many other explorations of pagan paths. It immediately spoke to me, like few other concepts in any tradition have ever done. I know that feeling intimately, and seeking it forms a big part of my own search for a spiritual identity. For me, without spirituality there is no awen, and without awen there is no spirituality. The sense of connectedness and transcendence is something I have sought since I was young.

Music has always been one of my sources of awen. When listening I find it in music of all genres, from classical to new age to Enya to ordinary pop/rock ("Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel and "Steer" by Missy Higgins are perfect examples). I also find moments of it when singing or playing an instrument in a group - those moments of transcendence when the ensemble combines perfectly and the music itself seems to come to life. It's one of the major reasons why I still love Anglican church services - there is a magic in massed voices that defies artificial boundaries between faiths.

The natural world, and its weather and the turning of its seasons, has always been my biggest source of awen, and it is what led me to paganism. Red berries against a blue sky, sunlight across the plains, a crayfish scuttling under a riverbank, the wind in my hair, mist rolling up a valley, thunder on a hot night, the first frost of autumn... when I am out there in the natural world, awen is everywhere.

Of course, the man-made world is not without awen either. Buildings that are old or odd or quirky. Artworks I like for no better reason than that they speak to my soul. (Here is one - I have seen the original in the Tate and was captivated). Crafts that are nifty or cute. An uplifting book scene or a really clever joke. When I open myself to it, awen is everywhere.

My desire to write fiction has been driven by childhood experiences of awen. It was lacking in my real life - we were not a religious family - and my main sources of it, then as now, were music, nature and stories. My formative years were shaped by books and stories told in electronic media that blew into my soul, inspiring me to act them out, extemporise, adapt and retell over and over again out in the half-acre scrap of garden and bushland that was my childhood temple. All of the books I've tried to write and the stories I've tried to tell have contained elements of this raw need to channel, create, inspire and share the sensation of awen.

Age 9, glowing with inspiration

 I've been thinking about this a lot lately, as I try yet again to put words on paper, or on screen as it is these days (and perhaps that's part of the problem). The wind of inspiration blows into me, and I come alive with the thought of the story I have to tell. I envisage it whole in my head, see it, feel it, live it out in little scenes in my mind, but when the words reach the page they seem to lose their sparkle. How do I maintain that sense of wonder, and the fierce spirit of inspiration? How do I keep the fire of awen burning for the weeks, months and years it takes to craft a novel? How do you keep your spirit glowing with purpose when you're burdened with money worries, or the toddler is being irrational, or when the housework never seems to be finished? How do you teach your heart to be open to awen every moment of every day? Not just for novel writing, but for teaching, and cooking, and keeping house, and nurturing my loved ones, and hoping and believing and growing?


What are your sources for awen (or whatever you would choose to call it)? What reminds you that it's good to be alive, or feeds your creative fires? Where do you get your inspiration?

Getting My Nerve Back

Back in 2004-05 I wrote a good 20,000 words of a fantasy story that had been kicking around in my head since I was 16. It was going pretty well (for my skills at the time) until I realised that there was a fatal flaw in my characterisation of the 9 main characters, and the whole thing fell apart.

After that I lost my nerve for writing. It was the longest thing I'd ever written, though I'd crossed the 10,000 word mark several times as a verbose teenager, and abandoning it seemed to switch off the flow of words in my head. I still wanted to write, and still dabbled in plotting stories constantly, but I couldn't build plots that made me happy, and I couldn't get the words out. I took several long breaks from any sort of writing, set myself targets, joined NaNoWriMo repeatedly, but nothing broke through.

Tomorrow night is Halloween, Samhain, the eve of the Celtic & Pagan new year. And I have made a commitment to myself that it will be the beginning of a new writing life for me. I'm letting go of the fear that I can't write well enough any more. In its place I am welcoming the knowledge that however imperfect and awkward my first attempts are, I can and will write, and I will continue until develop and grow until I am the writer I know I can be.

Serendipitously, it is also the eve of National Novel Writing Month, and thus begins my first writing project of my new writing life. I am working on the latest, greatest iteration of that original story, and I intend to see it through this time. I'm spending this weekend getting ready, doing my planning and preparation, so that all is in readiness. 50,000 words, here I come. Nothing can stop me this time.

Character Interview #1: Eveth

I'm doing a series of interviews with the 10 key characters of my WSTBIP (that's "work soon to be in progress" hehe). These are meant to better develop each character's voice and backstory, and give me a sense of how they will react when the story gets going.

Without giving too much away, the characters are all in their 20s, and have suddenly been nominated by their world's deities as having sorceric powers, and a key role in keeping peace and fairness across the 10 kingdoms that make up their continent. This is unexpected and is the result of the tragic untimely demise of the previous 10 sorcerers. The last set of questions relate to this experience.

The first interview is with Eveth, my MC. She is 25, blonde and a little bit chubby. Please feel free to post more questions for her in the comments - it would be an interesting exercise! Also feel free to throw out ideas, impressions and so on. Anything is useful, really.

Before The Story

Growing Up

What is your earliest memory?

* Going for a walk outside with my older sister. I fell over in the wildflowers and we both did a lot of giggling.

What was your favourite childhood game?

* My sisters and I had a doll each and a play house amongst some trees behind our house. When our chores were done we would spend hours playing house.

How did your parents discipline you?

* They were very firm about boundaries and would give us extra chores if we crossed them. Generally we were pretty good kids.

Describe your Local School experience (7-10yo)?

* I loved learning but felt out of place at the village school. It was a very small school and I was much smarter than most of the kids. They weren’t really curious about anything.

Describe your Forming School experience (11-14yo)?

* Forming school was a very trying time. It was a bigger school but I still stood out. The teachers loved my academic turn, but I was singled out for derision by my generally stolid peers.

Describe your Vocative School experience (15-18yo)?

* I loved vocative school! I went to a university-directed school that none of my siblings had attended. I was new and unknown and with people who understood my feelings about knowledge and the world.

Describe your University experience (19-22yo)?

* University was great. I missed my family but loved being in the city and seeing and learning so many new things. Training as a doctor was a dream come true.

Family

Describe your parents?

* My father is the cornerstone of the family. He is strong, sensible, level-headed and humorous. He is fairly fixed in his beliefs but not afraid to listen to others.

My mother is loving, kind and wise, and very traditional in her beliefs and outlook on the world.

How many siblings do you have? Name and describe them?

* I have three brothers and six sisters. My brothers Phan and Noli are both older than me and married, and Phan has three children. They are both good men and good farmers. My older sister Shai is married and has a son, and lives in the village. She is very house-proud and in love with her little family. My next-youngest sister, Cali, is also married and lives on a farm where she works hard. My younger brother Tor is learning farming at Father’s right hand. My sister Desath is Mother’s helper and expects to be betrothed soon. My three little sisters Ren, Liath and Tireth are all still at school. Tireth is still a little girl and very sweet, but Ren and Liath are going through a silly stage.

How is your relationship with your siblings?

* We all love each other dearly, but I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them these days apart from the in-jokes and secret games of our childhood.

What other blood family members are significant in your life?

* My grandmother was a very intelligent and strong woman, and gave me a lot of inspiration to be everything I have become, before she passed. If we start getting into aunts, uncles and cousins we’re going to have to discuss half the village.

Do you have a spouse or significant other?

* No. I had a few boyfriends at university, but they never amounted to much. I’m from an old-fashioned family and we just wanted different things. I've grown up a bit more now and my expectations are different. I wish I could go back and change some of the things I did and said back then.

Do you have any children? If not, why not?

* No husband yet.

Daily Life

What do you do for work?

* I’m a doctor in the town of Dreana. Myself and several other doctors run a small pay-as-you-can clinic for Dreana and the surrounding villages and farms.

Why do you like your job? Why did you choose it?

* I love helping people and being of service. Every single thing I do makes someone’s life a little bit better. I chose it because it came naturally to me and was acceptable to my parents as a life pursuit for their only academic child!

How do you get to work?

* I ride into town and board during the week, and go home to Glerna on the weekends.

What do you do for fun?

* Read, do intricate beadwork, weave, sew, preserve flowers and essences.

What is your home like? Who do you live with?

* On the weekends I live with Mother, Father, Tor, Desath, Ren, Liath and Tireth. We all live together in the farmhouse my father inherited from his grandfather. It has three levels, white walls, and a high peaked thatch roof. It's a funny old house but we love it. During the week I live with Karal (another doctor) and his wife Mitri. We share three rooms above the clinic. It's a dull house on a dull street, but we try to make it quiet and friendly.

Describe a typical evening at your house?

* At Karal and Mitri’s house we wash up, have dinner, and retire to our own rooms. I work on something until it gets too dark, then go to bed.

At home, we have dinner all together (8 people are never quiet!) then after the chores are done we sit around near the fire, doing small work and talking about anything that comes to mind. It’s cheery and refreshing.


What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?
* My life has been pretty mild. Probably my grandmother passing away when I was at university.

What (or who) do you miss that is gone from your life?
* My grandmother.

What (or who) do you miss that you never really had?
* A few boyfriends at university . . . I wish what might have been if we’d been on the same page. I miss the family of my own that I might have now if things hadn’t been different.

What are your attitudes towards your every day life?
* I'm trying to be patient with it. It’s a good life and I'm comfortable and not unhappy. I want more but I don’t know what and how exactly so for now, I’ll just carry on.

How do you feel about change?
* Too much change too often isn’t fun, but occasional change is nice. I don't like getting into a rut.

What's the worst thing you’ve ever done to another person?
* I've had to tell a few patients that they were dying, and tell people that their loved ones are dying or dead. That’s part of my job as a doctor, but it never gets easier.

Who do you hate?
* I don’t really hate anyone. I dislike a lot of the girls I grew up with. They’re so narrow and blinkered.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
* My doctor’s degree. I worked very hard for it and have more education than anyone else from my village. For a woman that’s a massive achievement.

What would you change about yourself, if you could?
* I’d like to lose some weight, and some of my discontent & frustration.

After Anointing

How do you feel about being anointed as a sorcerer?

* I’m overwhelmed. I can’t even begin to imagine why I’ve been chosen. I just keep staring at the marks on my hand and marvelling that Holy Breica has chosen me. I hope I can live up to what needs to be done.

How do you feel about your new powers?

* I'm not sure if I like them. It seems like cheating to be able to do things this way. I was brought up thinking that you must put your back into things to get them done! This is all too easy. And the telepathy . . . wow, my family are close but there’s nothing like meeting someone else’s mind.

What do you like about what has happened?

* This was meant to happen, or the Gods and Goddessess wouldn’t have made it happen. I like knowing that I have an inescapable purpose and am being pulled in the right direction. There was a lot of doubt in my mind back in Dreana. I wasn’t sure whether I was doing the right thing. Now, I must be.

What do you dislike about what has happened?

* I used to think that perhaps I’d feel truly at home in Glerna one day. The right man or the right circumstance and suddenly I'd feel like just one of the villagers again. That’s gone, and I suspect any chance of romance and a family along with it. I hope I'm wrong but what marriage could survive one half being a sorcerer? I still want children, but would I have time to raise them? My life has changed forever.

What do you want to achieve as a sorcerer?

* I’d like to see the Governments take more responsibility for providing health care for their citizens. A government-sponsored clinic in each town would go a huge way to repairing some truly horrible situations.

What do you think you have gained as a sorcerer?

* The ability to do wide-scale good rather than small-scale good.

What do you think you have lost as a sorcerer?

* Connectedness. I've been irrevocably set apart, and I don't know if I can ever reconnect with anyone again.

What do you think will be your biggest challenge now?

* Learning everything I have to learn in order to do this job the way it’s meant to be done. Last week I was a doctor at a town clinic; this week I'm supposed to negotiate with royalty over. How does that work? Where do I start? I'm so lost.

What do you think about the other anointed ones?
* I like most of them. I already know I get along best with Lindon, I like his witty and laid back style. Passira and Calique are both sweeties. Ashamy . . . wow, what a woman! I love her fire. Valo is so quiet, but there’s a sense of humour lurking in there that promises to be good fun once he lightens up. Dahann is a bit much, so outspoken and opinionated. Sirinie is a bit brusque and standoffish, but I suspect that’s shyness? Tal seems like a bit of a stuck-up arrogant git, to be honest. Not sure about him at all.

5 Words Meme

In which I avoid essay-writing by writing an essay.

Over on LJ, my friend Hilary offered me 5 words that she sees as representing me. I am responding to them here :)

She offered me: England, music, writing, church, archaeology.

England

"Why do you say 'one' like that?"

This question plagued me as a child. I couldn't mimic the way my Australian-accented peers pronounced 'one'; in fact I still can't say it "right". Although my mother had been in Australia for 15 years by the time I was born, her English accent lingered into a slight English inflection, and I picked it up.

I was about 18 when I discovered that I could get Right of Abode in England due to my mother's origin. This fired my imagination, and in my first year of university I did a lot of in-depth research about the possibility of doing my archaeology PhD (then an assumed part of my life plan) at an English university. I was stymied in my plan when I realised that I would have to reside there for three years first if I didn't want to pay fees. That didn't fit the timetable, so I abandoned the idea. I miss those days, when I was so innocent and naive and believed in timetables! At 18 the future was so nebulous and so LARGE. It was inconceivable that I would ever feel like I was running out of time. But then, when I was 18 I also thought I'd be done with having kids by the time I was 29 :S

England lives in my mind as a kind of Mecca - the centre of all things, the place to go, to experience, from whence all things come. I'm proudly Australian, born and bred, but England is the Homeland and the Motherland in a way in which Australia can never quite be. To be a non-indigenous Australian is to share in a cultural uneasiness about our rights to this land and the life we live here (and rightly so). But in England I can be English without apology.

I've longed for an overseas holiday for years (with the UK as the destination), but I have been perpetually broke, and nothing has ever come of the longing. I have often considered living there, but until recently I was too emotionally broken to even consider being that far from my family. I still have my moments of uneasiness when I'm not at all certain I'm making the right decision, but it's too late now so I'll have to stick to my guns and go through with it! And the larger part of me is sure that this IS the right decision, and can't wait to get on with it.

England, T minus 60 days and counting!

Music

My mother has a lovely singing voice, and I can remember her entertaining and soothing songs from my earliest childhood. Along with the usual children's songs and rhymes, I vividly recall "Annie's Song" and "Drink to Me Only" amongst her repertoire, as well as the Rolf Harris classic, "The Court of King Caractacus". She also played a lot of recorded music, and my love of classical music is due to her influence.

We had a small portable piano keyboard in the house, and I spent countless hours playing with it. My primary school was music-oriented, and I learned music theory and recorder from an early age. I still play the recorder today, and although I do now have a nice wooden one, my old plastic one from school is still kicking around here somewhere!

At a younger age I often told my parents that I wanted to play the French Horn, a request that received "hahahahNO" answers ;) By the age of 9 or 10 I'd switched my request to flute, and that one was granted, I think partially out of relief that I'd abandoned the brass section!

I'm not very good at the flute, but I've been playing for a good 19 years now. Throughout school I played in concert bands, sang in choirs and musicals, and took music theory and composition classes. As an adult I've also played in concert bands and ensembles, sung in choirs, taught class music in schools, and I still tinker with composition and arranging in my spare time (ha!). 

Music has always been a part of my life, and I can't imagine being without it. I hope that when I have kids I'm able to surround them with the wonders of music.

Writing

I've been known to tell people that writing isn't something I do, it's something I am. This is slightly poncy, I'll admit, but it's true. I can't give up writing any more than I can give up breathing. I've tried a few times, and it always gets to the point where I just HAVE to start again or I'll burst!

I have dozens of old note books filled with story ideas, some going back as far as the 1980s. In my earlier years I tended to act out my stories rather than writing them down. I lived in a world of imaginative play, and had many long-running stories that received a new instalment every time I was in the mood for that particular game. Two of these in particular are still major items in my 'plots waiting for inspiration' bank. Some of these 'game' stories were blatantly derivative, but others were surprisingly original and interesting.

In my teens and early 20s I wrote reams and reams of stories. My two favourite works from my teenage years reached 11,000 and 13,000 words before I grew out of them. The first of these owed equal parts of its inspiration to Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings" and M.M. Kaye's "The Ordinary Princess", with a dollop of C.S. Lewis thrown in for good measure. It didn't rip off any of the characters or ideas exactly, and a lot of it was wholly mine, but the similarities were unmissable. The second was completely original and I have no idea from whence the ideas sprang, but it suffered purely from the fact that the writer was 16 years old and was trying to write convincingly about a young, orphaned queen in a medieval setting. Oh, the stereotypes. Ouch! I can't even re-read a paragraph of it these days without cringing.

The major story of my 20s peaked at 20,000 words before I got stuck on a major plot flaw and had to abandon the whole thing. After the latter I lost my nerve for a while, but I have always come back to writing in the end.

Looking back on some of my earlier work (all diligently saved and transported to each new computer system since I first had my own machine in 1995!), I can see the potential there. The prose is purple, the dialogue is execrable and the characters stereotypical; but the plots are fairly sound.

At the moment I'm working on a shiny new version of the previous 20,000-word effort. The plot has been thoroughly scrubbed, honed and polished, and is shiny and new without losing the original idea. I have been poking it thoroughly and haven't found any holes yet, so it's looking good this time.

Church

Most people go to church because they have faith. My faith, on the other hand, has grown out of my involvement with the church.

I wanted faith as a child - wanted it badly. I read a lot of books where the characters were all Christian, living in exclusively Christian societies with faith as a given (the Anne of Green Gables series and the Laura books, for example). I knew there was something wonderful about faith, and I knew that I lacked it in my own Christmas-Christian wishy-washy culture.

When I was 20 I decided to start going to church, because, well, I was living on my own and no one would be there to laugh at me for it! I almost accidentally found myself in a Nine Lessons and Carols Christmas service at St George's Cathedral. That started a love affair with cathedrals and choral music that persisted even when my faith wavered.

I went through a huge period of disillusionment and rejection of religion in my mid-20s, a time of disastrous personal missteps and clinical depression. As I dug my way out of that hole my love of the church began to re-establish itself. I started going to church again, and began to develop stronger feelings about faith and belief.

In the past few months, the strength of my faith has doubled and doubled again. I've finally surrendered myself to it, and it feels as wonderful as I always imagined it would. I'm still thoroughly Anglican, but I do finally understand how those of an evangelical persuasion are driven to shout about their faith. The strength and purpose of faith is incredible. I have been blessed with the Holy Spirit, and now I actually know what that means :)

Even more fascinating, to me, is the fact that my increasing faith is compelling me to draw closer to the church, too. As previously mentioned I've taken on the units for a major in theology, and I think it's extremely likely that I will follow this BA up with a Master of Ministry and ask to be considered for ordination. I am already a teacher, and being a teacher of love, charity, hope, tolerance and joy . . . yes, I could see myself doing that.

Archaeology

My interest in the past was already well-developed by the time I hit primary school. I very rarely read anything set in the modern world. I read children's Victoriana or fantasy for preference, and was fascinated with ancient cultures after watching the 1980s anime The Mysterious Cities of Gold. In my confused, imaginative childhood I spent countless hours pretending that I was someone else, long ago and far away.

It wasn't until I was fifteen that I suddenly realised that I could make this interest a life pursuit. Some passing reference to archaeology set me on a new track and gave me a real ambition for the first time. I became single-minded in my career prospects, and at 22 I was a qualified archaeologist and museum curator.

Unfortunately, the dream wasn't the reality. The archaeology field, as I experienced it, was cliquey, profit-driven and client-oriented. Perhaps in the museums and universities it's better, but I found consultative archaeology to be soul-destroying and miserable (a state of affairs not helped by dreadful clinical depression and an unfamiliar environment when I was working in Sydney).

I still love the past, and still love archaeology. When I get to the UK I hope to join in some digs as an amateur, but I doubt I'll ever work as an archaeologist again. I think perhaps I've outgrown that idea of myself, and I can't imagine stepping back in time to fill those shoes again.

I do have many fond memories though. I excavated a spider once ;D

Last Days

School ends at lunchtime tomorrow, so I've got just over a day left at this school, plus the "family gathering" this evening. It hasn't really sunk in yet that I'm not going to be here in a few days. Right now the classroom is so full of life - Christmas decorations everywhere and glitter all over the floor - that it's hard to comprehend that on Friday morning I'll be packing all my things away and taking them home.

There's some things I'll miss and some I won't, but I'm having trouble focussing on reflections about my Montessori experience. The adventure that's waiting for me in May is so overwhelming that it's eclipsing all other considerations!

I've found evenings a bit strange this week. I've had nothing to do for school - no presents to create or cards to write or reports to finish. So I dragged out my writing again and started examining my abortive 2008 NaNo, of which I wrote 8000+ words before stalling out.

I realised two things about it. The first was that I was writing it from the wrong POV. It's a YA fantasy and it lacked immediacy, which will be solved if I write it in first person. The second was that I was trying to tell too many stories at once. The original story had got lost amongst several other stories that had crept in. At first I cut out a whole section of plot, but eventually I realised that I'm going to have to start over and take the story in a different direction (literally, in fact - the characters are heading into the wilds rather than to the city!). Irritating, but at least I'm writing again.

I'm being a lazy teacher today - I'm sitting at my computer while the kids colour in, do craft and play on the computers. I've got Christmas carols playing on iTunes giving the classroom a dreamy chilled-out feeling. It's very pleasant really!

Trying to Write

I'm actually getting to relax and do not much of anything this afternoon - finally! - and I'm trying to pull my creative writing together and actually get something written down.

I managed nearly 9000 words during NaNo, which is not bad given how busy I've been, but I re-read it and I don't think the concept is working out. Oh well . . .

I want to work on one project consistently over the summer. I know I want to write something for upper primary students (ages 10-12 and surrounds) and I know I want it to be fantasy/paranormal oriented, possibly beginning with a real-world setting. I have dozens of plot beginnings in files on my computer, but no clear idea of what to do with any of them. None of them are quite enough on their own, and I know some of them can be combined but I can't quite find the right combination. So many stories I want to tell!

NaNo Update

I'm REALLY behind on my NaNo novel - trust me to get a life-sucking bout of insomnia right at the start of November! But the good news is that in the last two days, with the help of the medication, I have started writing it. I've done 2510 words in two days, which is a good start. I hope I'll be able to catch up over the weekends and still be in the running to finish on time. I'm really liking the way it's taking shape, and the characters are starting to come to life.

It's been funny, though - my main character, Lissa, is a thirteen-year-old girl loosely based on my fantasy 'alter ego' that I used to tell myself stories about at that same age. In order to get inside her head I've been reading my old diary from that age. Yikes. I cannot believe I was EVER that silly, that desperate to be 'random', that impressed with my own cleverness, and that obsessed with boys. 90% of the diary is about boys. That quote from "Pride and Prejudice" about the 'silliest girls in England' keeps jumping into my head. Apart from being an Aspie, I was a pretty normal teenager, and it's quite the shock to see myself (in the privacy of a diary, at least) carrying on in the hyperactive, look-at-me-crazy, crush-obsessed way that annoying teenagers do on the internet these days. If BtN had been around when I was in my early teens, I probably *would* have been one of the little twits we have to throw snide remarks at until they stop parading their belief in their own cleverness and driving everyone nuts. I was so silly.

NaNoWriMo

This year's NaNoWriMo starts on Saturday, and this year I'm going to make a proper go of it. I've intended to for the past two years and barely wrote a word, but this year I believe I can do it - really believe. I'm working on a fairly lightweight YA fantasy piece which I'm plotting based on the various stories and 'pretends' I enjoyed around the ages 12-14. Because it's a part of me it's fairly easy to work on. You have to write around 1700 words per day to complete NaNo, but I'm up for it. 50,000 words is a fine size for a YA novel, so if I manage it I'll have the complete first draft of a YA book.

So, the plotting begins . . .

NaNoWriMo . . .

After much deliberation, and after asking advice (much of which I promptly ignored) I've decided to write my long-planned and much-revised fantasy work, "The Sorcerim", as my NaNoWriMo project. If I win NaNoWriMo I'll have a half-finished novel, so I'll be better off than if I hadn't done it at all! I was strongly tempted by my pet childrens' book project, but the plot needs heaps of work whereas I can write Sorcerim off the top of my head once I've finished some world-building.

So, onwards and upwards!