Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Saturday, September 20, 2008


I'm feeling a bit mooksy this evening, because I put a dent in my car today :-( I was a wee bit careless in a parking lot and caught the rear passenger-side door panel on a pillar when I was creeping into a parking spot. There are now two long scrapes in the paint, and the panel has popped inwards. I'm not sure if my insurance covers driver stupidity - I've never had to make a claim before! - but I'll get it sorted one way or another. It's not serious, and I'm trying to take it philosophically. Everyone I know has dented their car sometime, it's not such a big deal. But it's annoying.

It's over a week now since I started giving my relationship with S the "Wait, what?" treatment and began to realise that it wasn't what I wanted. With every day that goes by I'm more sure that I've made the right decision. I'm enjoying life again, I'm feeling secure and strong in myself, and I'm giving some attention to my own wants and needs finally. Several people at school have commented on how happy I look! I'm spending my spare time doing little things that will lead to my greater happiness and comfort for as long as I'm in Little Country Town, such as turning part of my verandah into a sanctuary where I can sit when the summer heat begins, and hanging some LotR artwork posters I bought recently. 

I went to Perth today and priced up a whole heap of things for my sanctuary, and bought a few of them. It'll be a long process to get it all set up. So far I've got curtains for both side of it, decorative glass pieces to weight the bottom of the curtains, and some electronics. From my assorted boxes of stuff-I've-already got, I've grabbed a small decorative fountain (meant to be indoors only but it should be protected enough on the verandah), various plastic plant pots, a metal wall sconce for candles and various hanging crystals. For the moment, two of my old cane dining chairs will have to suffice for seating, but eventually I'm going to add a proper cushioned seat, fairy lights, some small tables, a rubber mat on the floor, plants in the pots (some herbs and some of my favourite flowering cottage plants), hanging baskets of fuchsias and ferns, a water feature complete with fish, and various bits of artwork with relaxing and spiritual images. It's going to be very pretty :-)

While I was there, I had to do my usual September eyeroll - the supermarkets and department stores have their Christmas merchandise on the shelves already. Gah! It does NOT take three and a half months to buy chocolates and decorations for a celebration that lasts one day! By the time we get to Christmas these days everyone is sick of it. It takes the specialness out of it when a quarter of the year is saturated with it! I wish they would keep Christmas stuff for December only. It would be so much more fun that way. Ho hum!

I've been sleeping very badly this week, and I'm not quite sure why. You'd think I'd be sleeping better now that the weight of an unhappy relationship has been lifted and I'm taking my life back into my own hands! But every night I have trouble dropping off, and when I do, I can't seem to stay asleep - I either jolt awake at every little noise, or I have dreams or nightmares that become increasingly absurd or distressing until I wake up feeling shaky. I need some rest!

One more week of school and then I've got two weeks' holidays. I am looking forward to them so, so much!


It sounds lovely. I wish I had an outdoors space - I miss having a balcony so very much.

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