Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


I'm tearing my hair out this evening . . . I'm exhausted but no matter what I do I can't settle to sleep. I'm not well for a start. Yesterday I had such a bad headache that I went to bed at 7pm and slept the clock around from 7:30pm to 7:30am with barely a stir. My headache was just as bad today and made worse in the afternoon by my two most difficult kids who decided to behave like absolute little jerks in the last hour before school ended and left me feeling like a complete useless fraud who can't actually teach at all. I came home to bills and a house that desperately needs a spring clean which I won't have time to give it for another three days, and when I tried to go to bed at 7:30pm after nearly dozing off on the couch, I just couldn't settle. I'm still furious with the two kids and with myself over the afternoon's shenanigans, I'm terrified that the mother of one will bitch about me to the principal (who knows what the kid is like, but still), and I'm incredibly frustrated and miserable that my family are all so far away and I'm so alone and lost and hopeless. I tried all my usual tricks to settle my mind - listening to music and focusing on the synaesthetic aspects; reading; praying; but nothing has worked at all. Listening to music just made things worse because "The Horses" by Daryl Braithwaite came on and it's a song I associate with Dad and of course it was too late in the evening by then to phone anyone so I wound up crying instead. So I've given up, come back online and I'm whinging to anyone and everyone who will listen . . . including you, my readers, and the two friends who've just popped up with IMs on facebook. If I can't sleep, I'll damn well complain about it.

*is actually feeling somewhat better already*


Post a Comment