Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Not a Date

I'm rather enormously proud of myself today, because I kept my head, acted with dignity, and did not get into a relationship I shouldn't have. YAY!

The not-a-date was very pleasant, overall. A and I still have a lot in common and we chatted extensively about our shared interests. At a certain point in the evening the conversation panned out exactly as I expected - he asked whether I was still seeing someone as he remembered I'd been in a serious relationship when we knew each other. I responded exactly as I intended - I explained that the relationship I'd been in had been abusive. Since I didn't feel I wanted to go out with A, I added that I'm not really dating at all at the moment. Since he is basically a decent and gentle guy, he didn't pursue it any further. We plan to hang out again at some point because we can both be unashamedly geeky around the other, but on a strictly friendship basis.

I think this is the first time EVER that I haven't ended up in a relationship with a guy who was interested in me. I've previously been so flattered that I've been sucked into a relationship despite all the red flags. The only exception was the one date I went on in Sydney, where the guy was so hideously unattractive and so blatantly condescending that I refused a second date quite comfortably. Every other time I've shut down the critical part of my brain and gone ahead with it.

The red flags in this case were not huge. I don't find him attractive in the slightest - facial features, body shape etc are all more off-putting than appealing to me so that would and should scupper a relationship right there. There were a few other things, less superficial but perhaps more important. For starters, he didn't dress in a way which I felt was appropriate: black t-shirt with a slogan on it, black shorts, boots, a quirky hat, and an earring - his "style" - which to me shows a lack of social adaptability which would bug me no end in a relationship. Taking out a girl whom you hope to ask out requires a different dress code! There were also several instances which showed that we weren't on the same level of social and emotional maturity, which would make us a poor match. None of this makes him a bad or wrong person, or makes me a bad or wrong person. We're just not the right people for each other.

So . . . I'm flattered, I'm calm, I'm at peace, and I'm still entirely single. And I'm okay with that. The right person will happen at the right time. In the meantime I will continue to make sure that *I* am becoming the right person, the strong, reasonable, boundary-setting, dignified, peaceful, joyful woman who can have good relationships. All in good time. :)


Ah, the clothes issue!

Drives me crazy as well, though thankfully Alexander has gotten SO much better with it!

I'm proud of you - I did the same thing, repeatedly. :-D

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