Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Wobbly Universe

So, this afternoon, Dad phones me to ask about a few things on my Christmas list and to ask what he should get S for Christmas. We discussed that then hung up. About 20 seconds later, Dad called back and said something like "by the way, I thought you'd better know that Boxing Day* might be off because I'm not speaking to your stepmother right now and I may walk out before then".


He then went on to tell me that he's been dissatisfied for a year and a half, but my stepmother had just done something that was serious enough for him to call the whole thing off (he didn’t tell me what it was) and he’s just trying to work out what to do.

Now, my Dad is no drama queen. He doesn’t parade his emotions around – particularly not negative ones. He was brought up to keep a stiff upper lip and pretend that everything’s fine, and that’s what he does. So for Dad to be telling me that . . . he’s not just blowing off steam or being melodramatic. He must be serious.

I can’t honestly say I’d be sorry to see my stepmother out of our lives. I’ve never felt she was good for Dad, and she’s jealous and petty towards my brother and I. I don’t dislike her nearly as much as I used to, because I’ve grown out of reacting to her behaviour, but I still don’t particularly like her. So in that sense I wouldn’t be sad if they split.

But I’m hurting dreadfully for Dad. He was devastated when Mum left him, and for his second marriage to break up too . . . he must be feeling horrible. And it’ll be devastating financially for both of them, which is difficult too. And for Dad to have to try to rebuild a family and a social circle a third time . . . oh, it hurts.

And then there’s my 15yo stepbrother and 14yo stepsister. I care for both of them, even though I’m not close to them and find them both a bit annoying. Dad would be the third father figure / male role model to abandon them (the first being 15yo’s biological father, who chose not to have a relationship but sends money occasionally; and the second being 14yo’s biological father who also adopted 15yo, whom my stepmother kicked out for being violent with 15yo when he was a toddler, and who has now married a Filipino woman who doesn’t like the kids very much and tries to keep their father at arms’ length). Not only is Dad the only really decent male in their lives, but he’s the only truly intelligent and intellectual person in their lives. It will be very hard on them to lose the only man who has been a stable part of their lives for the last 10 years.

It may not happen. They may patch things up. But . . . it’s a wobble, and I don’t like wobbles!

* We celebrate Christmas with Dad the day after Christmas, which is known as Boxing Day here.



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