Firstly, by and large I'm at peace with the fact that the unhappy parts of my childhood were largely due to undiagnosed Aspergers (which wasn't even recognised as a condition until I was 13 anyway) and that it's no one's fault that I had problems. But today when searching for my tax file number I came across all of my old reports from primary school and early high school. And I suddenly felt a surge of real anger over what I was reading. "Seems withdrawn" . . . "very quiet" . . . "seems to be happy sitting alone" . . . "sometimes seems tense" . . . "is prone to daydreaming" . . .
WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T ANYONE REALISE THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME?!
Even though Aspergers wasn't recognised at the time, surely someone somewhere should have noticed that I wasn't normal! Between my parents (accepting me for who I was and not worrying about it) and my teachers (noticing that I was different and wanting me to be punished / bullied into acting normal), it never seems to have occurred to anyone that my differences might be real differences rather than misbehaviours or personality defects.
I have no idea whether there’s anything they could have done, if they’d known that I really wasn’t capable of just being normal. But it hurts to think that there might have been something.
Secondly, and on a less dramatic note, I’m currently a rather frustrated namesnerd. I want to get some reliable, sensible name suggestions, but I can’t go to the only sensible name site out there without getting dragged into personal stuff. I don’t want to be involved in all that, I just want names. But if I go back, I’ll get pounced on and bashed up for stuff that happened in the past, so I have to stay name-suggestion-less. Bah.
I think I'm coming down with a virus, too. Blech.
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