Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Saturday, February 10, 2007


I've waited a day with one of the bits of news below, and a week with the other, because I didn't want to make an emotional, torrid post. So here is my news, calmly and softly.

The first, which happened yesterday, is that Daniel broke up with me. Our relationship was still very good, but I'd been picking up hints for a couple of weeks that he was pulling away. His reason was basically that while he cares for me, he doesn't love me, and can't be content with me. And he knew I wouldn't want to keep dating if he had no intention of it getting any more serious. I'm sad and sorry that he feels that way (and doesn't think his feelings could grow with time), but at least it's a reason I can respect.

I'm hurting over the loss of the relationship and the companionship, but I'm not inconsolable and since a couple of hours' crying last night, I've been calm about it. There have been a lot of doubts about the relationship I've never voiced, and a lot of problems I couldn't face. We enjoyed each others' company greatly, but there was something there in the first two dates that was missing thereafter, apart from the odd 'flash'.

So I don't know how or why, but I'm calm and accepting about the breakup, and just grateful that it's only been three months, not many years, before it ended.

The second major event, from a week ago, is that it's become plain that I'll have to move house. I've looked at one 'room to let' already, but it was too small; and I have another offer that I have to follow up on. I've got two months to move so I have no doubt I'll find something within that time. But I hate moving and have done it far too many times (11 times in the past 10 years, and two of those were interstate!) It's heart-wrenching to have to move after only 6-7 months when I thought I might be able to live here for 18-30 months!

Adding to these woes is the fact that one of my waitressing jobs have officially dropped me from their roster - they wanted me to work every Saturday and Sunday, which would mean never, ever seeing my family, and I won't do that - and the other job just hasn't been rostering me on at all. I've been on prac and at uni and unable to do anything about it, I've already borrowed as much as Mum can afford to get me through this full-time period, and that money is running out. So I have to find a job urgently, while I finish my last week of prac and try to eke out the remaining money without going broke (or borrow money from Dad, which I'd rather not do).

My life right now is complicated and stressful and unsettling and unstable, and I'm not enjoying it very much :-( The great prac result is a pleasant consolation. At least one thing is going right!

The other things will come good - I'll recover my cheerfulness, get a job, find a place, and be back on a level again - but I'll be pretty low-spirited for the time being.


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