Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Head all turned about

Last night I had the worst episode of depression I've had in a long time, which seems most unfair as my life is more sorted out than it's been in a long time!

The cause, as far as I can pinpoint it, is too much change in too short a time. I'm staying in this house, then I'm not; I have a boyfriend, then I don't; I have a job, then I have two, then I don't have either, then I have one again (oh, yeah, I got a job at Subway btw); I'm studying full-time-external -> part-time-external -> full-time-internal -> part-time-internal -> full-time internal; plus I've lost a housemate to the wonderful world of country teaching, and left a web community I've been a part of for over three years. And joined two new web communities and an IRC channel. And since uni has gone back for everyone now (I was on a pre-semester course before), I'm having to deal with huge crowds of people and that's never been my forte!

So my head is all full of chaos. It's like trying to keep dancing the same dance when the music keeps changing speed and the floor keeps changing texture. I can't keep track of it all and my brain wants to fall in a heap.

I'm going to see one of the uni counsellors on Thursday, just to have someone to talk to (they're probably used to this kind of thing!). It was hard to make the appointment as I generally feel that there's no point as I'll feel better by the time the appointment comes along, and besides my problems aren't really important, but I somehow tricked myself into going through with it.

Hopefully telling someone about all these changes will help me to get my feet under me again. Of course, if my world would stop #@%$*&!ing changing on me, that would help too!


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