Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Friday, December 19, 2008

Growing Again

As you all know, I'm a big fan of Getting Past Your Past. Today's entry was this guest blog, which is one reader's suggestion on how to deal with the inner voice that harps on about how much one is unloved, unwanted, unsatisfied etc. The blogger suggests that instead of the validating "there there, I know!" responses most of us give ourselves, we should actually just meet those needs. Nevermind that they were not met by someone else in our past: meet them, now. Give that voice nothing to complain about.


I cried when reading it, and later realised that, in an unconscious way, I've just done exactly that.

When we were kids and teens, my brother and I were both miserable at school, but we expressed it in different ways. I withdrew, he acted out. His way of asking for help was recognised, and he got switched between schools fairly regularly in an attempt to find the best environment for him. My way of asking for help wasn't actually noticed, ever. My parents never once came sailing in and dragged me out of a school I hated then hunted around for a better environment for me. They didn't know I wanted them to.

That rankled for a long time, and there were echoes of that in my distress throughout this year. "I hate the state school system, I'm so miserable, why won't someone come and rescue ME . . .". But someone did rescue me. I rescued me. I realised I couldn't stay in that environment, I found an alternative and I hauled myself out of one and into the other. It doesn't matter that it was me who came along and helped me when I needed it. Someone noticed, and someone did something about it.

I did need someone to rescue me. But it turned out that someone was me. Fancy that!


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