Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Monday, October 16, 2006

*And* . . .

And on top of all of that below, I've recently become uncomfortably aware of how much of my personality I have to keep supressed in order to be considered "normal" and not get laughed at by all and sundry. A lot of the things I love (porcelain dolls or Victoriana, for example) are considered immature interests for a 25-year-old, but I defy anyone to give me a logical reason why collecting porcelain dolls is any less mature than collecting china animals or Schwarovski crystal or Royal Doulton plates! Or anything!

And on the flipside, I'm frustrated with myself for caring so much about being teased that I can't just go out and pursue those interests anyway. I'm letting other peoples' silly prejudices affect me, but I can't help it. I'm sensitive enough about being 25, single, and a bit plump, and I feel like doing something "childish" (like collecting porcelain dolls) would brand me forever with the "silly romantic overgrown fat girl, probably a virgin" label (Terry Pratchett readers: think Agnes).

I just want to be able to do what I want and be happy about it, but I can't and it hurts.

And on top of all that I'm lonely and "clucky", and life just isn't any fun at the moment :-(


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