Where have they gone?

When I was sick last week I lost 4lb in 24 hours, and it showed - my tummy got quite flat, my neck and cheeks were a bit more sculpted and my fingers looked positively bony.

I've now gained back 3 of those 4lb, as I expected I would, but I can't for the life of me work out where I've put them. My fingers are still bony, my tummy and neck are still slimmed. My cheeks have lost the slight hollow they developed, but I can't imagine the whole 3lb has gone into them. A mystery!

Aaand we're back!

The computer is fixed, I've recovered from the consecutive attacks of a cold and stomach flu, and everything is shiny again.

I hadn't had a proper stomach flu since I was a teenager, and it was a weird experience - I found I'd forgotten what to expect from it. I was revoltingly ill for 12 hours, nauseous for another 12 after that, and spaghetti-legged weak for a further 48 hours before finally pulling myself together on Sunday morning. It wasn't fun. E promptly came down with the same thing and is just recovering, and it seems to be doing the rounds as my supply teaching consultant also has it, and she doesn't even live in the same town!

So everything is pretty much back to normal. I didn't get a chance to blog about my job offer before everything went haywire with the laptop, but about two weeks ago now I was offered a two-term contract at a local primary school, starting in January. It's to take over a year one class, and I'm hopeful that it could lead to an ongoing position or at least secure my teaching experience over here as it's directly with the school rather than through a supply agency. It's an interesting school and a complex, challenging class so it's going to be a tiring role, but I believe a rewarding one as well. Certainly it'll stretch me to the height of my abilities. I'm looking forward to it!

It's been amazingly foggy in Hertfordshire lately. Fog is something entirely outside my experience - we really don't get it in Western Australia, not in this kind of density - so I find it quite marvellous. Here's some shots from Sunday:

I went to a shop on the outskirts of town on Sunday (for the Windows 7 upgrade that eventually fixed my computer problems entirely - it really just needed a wipe & reinstall) and had a strange experience on the way back. The fog had been so thick and obscuring that, although I knew there was a moderate skyscraper on the other side of the intersection, I'd forgotten its existence. The fog started to clear off as I was walking towards the building, and I did an absurd double-take as it appeared through the mists. It then took on an amazing blaze of light as the sun finally reached it. It was quite something!

Yes, yes, update...

Sorry it's been so long... I've been mired down in marking assessments and writing job applications, so getting a blog post out has seemed nearly impossible.

Today I'm just sitting around exhausted because I've spent the afternoon doing a demo lesson and being interviewed for a teaching position which, I learned an hour later, I didn't get. I'm not too disappointed - it was only my first interview of the job-hunting season, and I had very positive feedback despite not quite squeaking in to the position on offer. But I feel a bit deflated and thus blogging seems more appealing than the big pile of marking in my bag!

So... what's new...

E and I are moving in together in July/August, hence the job search. My current position ends at the close of the summer term, and it makes much better financial sense for me to move to her town rather than for her to move to London. I hate job applications and the whole process is making me quite fretful and cross, especially as I have to deal with the awkwardness of taking days off to go to interviews. I'm spending a lot of time quite exhausted and dreary, and can't wait for the half-term break next week. It will be a real relief to be getting all these things done without actual work getting in the way! I have piles of marking to do and reports to write and IEPs to renew and ARGH.

The good news is I've lost a stone and I'm back in size 14 clothes for the first time since I was about 23. I'm feeling rather good about that! Two stone to go (a stone is 14lb/6.3kg, for those not familiar with this quaint yet satisfying English unit of weight).

I have no inflammation according to the blood tests, so I'm just working on easing the pain at the moment. I need to go back to the doctor for another physio referral and to find out why the muscles in my upper arms have suddenly turned bumpy, but I think I'll now wait until I move to do that. For the time being, it's going alright.

So everything's ticking along, and hopefully I will manage not to drop with exhaustion before the summer holidays hit...

Pain

Who remembers those magic eye images that sprang into popularity in the early 90s? I had the original book - still do somewhere. You see what looks like a chaotic, repeating set of colours without meaning, then suddenly, after staring hard or going unfocused or wiggling the page in and out, the thing springs into 3D and suddenly you can see the raised image superimposed on the collage. Magic!

The point of this analogy is largely that I like analogies ;)

But more to the point, sometimes things that occur in our lives are like background colour, meaningless and unconnected until someone points out what's really there, and the real image becomes starkly obvious.

I have struggled with recurring neck/shoulder/upper back pain since I was a child. As a 9-year-old I was tested and prodded over bad headaches which were eventually cured with some physiotherapy on my neck. Not long after this, I suffered my first frozen shoulder, a condition that was to recur regularly (I can't think of a year that went by without at least one - some so bad that my shoulders were at uneven heights for days, this still in primary school!). I can remember from this age also having trouble adopting relaxed postures when sitting. I was stiff, I couldn't just flop without getting sore.

In my late teens I began supermarket checkout work to fund my uni years, and the problems moved from occasional to perpetual. Frozen shoulders, deep pain in my shoulder and neck joints, aches and pains. A hand injury when I was 20 exacerbated this with six months of slings and awkward postures.

Since then it's never got any better. A decade of struggling with pillows, trying out ergonomic chairs and always facing the speaker with my body because turning my head to look would get me painfully stuck that way. Dozens of attempts to sort out conditions that would soothe rather than inflame. I had physio from time to time when it got particularly bad, but with health insurance that only covered part of the fee I was never able to pursue this for very long (and besides, regular readers will know how good at asking for help I'm not). Last year a particularly bad flare-up during more supermarket work led me to spend several hundreds on physiotherapy gap payments, which made some progress with that particular crisis, but did nothing for the overall ongoing issue.

Recently, I had another bad episode, and woke up suddenly to the fact that most people aren't in constant shoulder and neck pain. They actually aren't. And maybe I shouldn't be either. Maybe I could not be.

So, I went to the doctor and got a physio referral. This physio took a proper history, felt my shoulders and neck and back, and was somewhat horrified. The soreness and stiffness is more widespread than even I'd realised, and is in the joints as well as the muscles. From the base of my skull to my waist, from one shoulder joint to the other, the whole thing is sore.

The physio sent me away with exercises, but said that if they didn't work I should come back in a few weeks and he would refer me for blood tests to look for inflammation markers; he believes that given the widespread nature of the soreness this might be something medical rather than mechanical.

This freaked me out somewhat, but I realised that since it's been ongoing for so long it's unlikely to be something that's going to progress to a serious illness. Then again, that too is daunting - if it's a chronic illness of some sort it could be grimly insoluble in its own way. But I swallowed my panic, and went off and dutifully did the two simple exercises prescribed as often as possible each day. And for a couple of weeks all was going well - my shoulders actually seemed to be getting better. Then, 12 days after the appointment, I had two days of severe headaches, and the next day got another frozen neck. Since then I've been back to square one - ongoing pain and stiffness at all times, burning pain in my shoulder, stiffness in my neck. :(

The follow-up appointment is tomorrow, and I'm trying to feel calm and reassured about what I'm going to have to do. I need to be my own advocate tomorrow: to make sure the physio understands that I did do the exercises and that the problem recurred regardless; and that I want to pursue the medical avenue, even if it comes to nothing, so that I can be sure. I will need to be firm, not be bullied, stand up for myself. This isn't easy for me.

However, I think I've reached a point where I'd prefer the emotional trauma of sticking up for myself to the ongoing pain. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep putting up with it. I can't live the life I want to live with a complex and debilitating set of muscle problems. It has got to stop.

So, wish me luck for tomorrow, as I tackle the medical profession head-on and give myself half a chance at a pain-free life.

I couldn't see the chronic pain for what it was until I looked at it from a different angle. I'm determined not to unsee it again.

Giving and Getting

I was reading an "agony aunt" type blog today in which the original correspondent had asked whether she should feel guilty about refusing a charity donation request at work.

The blog writer acknowledged that we are allowed to be choosy about when and where we donate. But then she went off into a long, passionate exposition about the difference between keeping our own money for our needs, and depriving others of the basic needs of life for the sake of our wants. She reminded the readers that we are hugely affluent compared to the vast majority of the world's population, and we should be grateful and humble and giving, not constantly blowing all our money on the latest 'thing'.

One burning burst of guilt later, I now have a World Vision sponsor child. I've been meaning to do it for ages but have never quite got around to it - you know? But I have no excuse. I have the money, I have a computer, it only takes a few minutes. So I made myself do it. My sponsor child is a 5-year-old girl from Sri Lanka.

*

I got all of my readers and unit info for my three classes this week. All three have exams, which will be all sorts of exciting as I'll be in London by the time exam week rolls around. I'm going to email the three tutors and introduce myself so that they know well in advance what is going on!

*

I'm currently suffering terrible headaches due to a prodigious set of neck & shoulder muscle cramps. I've been to the physio today ("... you've made a real mess of this, haven't you!" he said) and I'm going back on Friday. Unfortunately it's being caused by the register work, and I can't afford to give that up so I'll just have to keep treating it for the time being.

*

This weekend I have a Saturday off finally, and I'm spending it sewing my latest bliaut and helping my friend L sew her first ever garb. Should be fun!

A Stiff Lesson

In early December I had my Implanon contraceptive implant taken out, and I decided not to have another one put in. I realised that having the first one put in coincided with the beginning of my major weight-gain problems, so I might as well try without it for a while. I'm not sure I ever want to go back to hormonal contraceptives, but that's a thought for another day.

The upshot of all this is that, after a six-year hiatus, I'm relearning what a normal menstrual cycle looks like.

I don't remember stiff swollen legs as being part of that, but I can't think of any other reason why I would have them. And of course I'm a lot heavier than I was then, which could contribute to the difference. Either way, ugh. They feel horrible and look absurd. Puffy and hard to the touch and sore and stiff to move. Blech.

*

Recently I became involved in a Facebook spat in which a male acquaintance made a joke trivialising rape, and he and a group of other male acquaintances began abusing a female friend of mine who called them out on it. They started claiming that feminism has gone too far and society now discriminates against men. One guy cited violence against men and its low reporting & conviction rates as an example of this. No. Violence against men is trivialised by the male-dominated and patriarchal justice system, and the reason why it is trivialised is that our society still believes that men are superior creatures and should be impervious to an attack by a mere woman. It's a sexist attitude against women that keeps violence towards men out of the spotlight.

I was reminded of this the other night when I was watching Sydney's "Carols in the Domain" on TV. The male presenter was the first on stage and introduced the female presenter. She walked out, and he said "doesn't she look gorgeous? Couldn't you just wrap her up and pop her under your tree?" UGH. NO. She is a person, not a thing. GAAAAAG. The female presenter looked askance at him; my family were staring at the TV in astonishment. From his still-gleeful expression, I'm sure he had no idea he'd said anything inappropriate.

When that kind of attitude is so prevalent even amongst those in the midst of the politically correct media spotlight, how can anyone claim that we've gone too far? Utterly ridiculous.

*

I got a book store gift card from the school board at the staff Christmas lunch (as did the rest of the staff), and I spent it buying reducing the cost of "French for Dummies" and "German for Dummies". I'm determined to have the basics of both languages before I go to the UK, so that I feel more comfortable in the solo continental travelling that I'm sure I'll be doing. I want to brush up my Italian too. I can still mumble a few phrases - last night I was with an Italian-Australian friend of mine and managed to say "I speak a little Italian, but not well. I studied it for two years at university." clearly and correctly, so I must still have some of the knowledge stuck away in there! But I'll leave that until I get French and German sorted.

Am I crazy? It's possible :P

Ick

I'm at home with a sore throat today, the sort that could possibly maybe turn into tonsillitis. Do Not Want.

I'm also trying not to waste any of my dwindling supply of contacts on a sick day, so I'm wearing my glasses. Man they feel weird. I haven't worn them once since I got my first set of these contacts in about August last year. Everything is slightly more curvy than it should be, and the edges (even with my nice half-rimless ones) are really throwing me off. Blech.

I've spent the entire morning in bed sleeping, and now I intend to laze around doing not much of anything except resting my throat, and incidentally listen to some uni lectures I've been ignoring!

Sick :(

Everyone seems to be getting sick this week, me included. My co-teacher was off sick Tuesday and Wednesday, and when I got home Wednesday (yesterday) I felt really off and weird - earache and funny vision. When I spoke to Mum yesterday evening, she said the headache virus she's getting over started the same way; and when my housemate got home she said she'd been achey for 24 hours as well. Plus one child spent Tuesday in the corner of the room with a headache. So I realised yesterday that I was basically doomed. I wanted to phone in this morning but since my co-teacher had been away it would've been really hard for her to work out what was going in if I called in sick, so I went. I was okay until lunchtime (at which time another child went home sick!) but then it hit hard and I had to teach music sitting down and used a CD to teach them a song because I could barely stand and couldn't take a proper breath let alone sing! I told the principal & registrar this afternoon that there was a chance I'd be off tomorrow and they said "don't take the chance, take the day instead" lol. So I'm staying happily in bed tomorrow and getting over it!

My ears ache, my throat aches, my body aches, my eyes are weird and I keep saying things wrong or mis-typing and thinking feels all foggy. Not well!

PS: 13yo sis changed her Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship" last night. @*&#^%*!

Okay now :)

I spun for a couple of days but I've got my equilibrium back and I'm feeling alright again. Well, apart from the fact that I've got a sore throat! But mentally I'm okay.

I got around to taking out a gym & pool membership at the local leisure centre yesterday, and got my fitness plan recommendation back today. No offence to anyone who reads this and works in fitness, but fitness people are NUTS. This woman wants me doing an hour or more of weights & cardio three times a week plus cardio on my off-days, right away. Um, NO. That's called dead. I'll start off with a fraction of what she's suggested and work up from there. Crazy lady.

This has been a good week at school - lots of compliments from the principal, relationship-building chats with kids' parents, and a child hugging me because I fixed his hat (it needed sewing back together) after I comforted his floods of tears and exhaustion the previous day. I'm feeling quite fulfilled and at peace again.

Very tired though. I should be in bed but I'm having such a nice time poking the internet and chatting to my housemate (who is poking the internet and chatting to me) that I don't want to break it up!

Should've . . .

Last night I remembered that I had sleeping tablets that were actually antihistamines, which is exactly what I've needed for trying to sleep with this rash the last few nights! So I took one.

It worked. I can't complain about that. I dropped off promptly at 10:30pm, slept through, and the rash is right down today and prickling less. No complaints there.

But I really, really wish I'd only taken half a tablet. I woke up feeling totally hung over, and I've been off kilter all day. I kept having to sit down at school to rest because I was giddy and faint. I got through the afternoon (watching the kids do their swimming lessons) by sitting very still, and managed to pull myself together for our class' parent meeting after school (about half the parents showed up, 11 families). Then I stumbled home. I've managed to cook dinner (and absentmindedly ate too much and feel icky now) but I feel like someone has been hitting me with a beanbag - foggy, dopey, sleepy, somewhat smothered.

I guess it'll be an early night for me!

Pride Goeth Before a . . . Rash?

The kids are having swimming lessons the next two weeks at school, and I was feeling self-conscious about the fact that my legs, which hardly ever see the sun, are blindingly white and would be on show for all to see in board shorts. So when I saw that my favourite body moisturiser (a cocoa butter) came in a gradual tanning version, I thought "what the heck, why not?" and went and got some. I used it all over my body except my face and back twice, then just on my legs once (the plan being to tan my legs more than the rest of me).

This morning, after three consecutive days of using the stuff, I woke up vaguely aware that I was itching something on my stomach. I thought it might be a mozzie bite but I realised almost immediately that it was more than one bump. That woke me up right and proper, and I discovered I had a rash EVERYWHERE I'd used the moisturiser. My back and face are fine but everywhere else is covered with little pale red dots.

In a word, BAW.

I'm not prone to coming up in rashes - not like my mother, who comes up in rashes to just about every skin product ever. This is highly unusual for me. I am NOT happy!

I got up and showered right away, and I've slathered myself in the ordinary cocoa butter which I've been using for years without any problems. Hopefully it'll die down quickly. But blech!

*

In other news, I think I need to stop reading Neil Gaiman's journal late at night, because when I do, that gentleman tends to pop up on the sidelines of my dreams, commenting on them. For example, last night's dream, which was FULL of weird, featured Mr Gaiman sitting casually on the edge of the action, remarking that if he found a species of spider that would only beat up on his daughters' enemies, he'd have a house full of them. Believe it or not, this was apropos to what was happening in the dream. It is quite odd to have an author popping in to remark on one's dreamscape!

2008, The Closing Scene

A cool breeze - more like a gale - did finally come up, and that combined with washing my hair had pretty much taken care of the headache. But it was still bugging me a little, so I thought I'd go and take another dose of painkillers, since the others should have worn off by now. I went to find the glass I'd used . . . and discovered that I never took the first lot. The little glass of aspirin dissolved in water was still sitting there, entirely un-drunk.

No wonder they didn't help, and no wonder I had no specific memory of what time I took it - I didn't take it!

I've taken them now, and hopefully the much-abated headache will shortly be gone for good.

So . . . 45 minutes left of 2008. What a year! I've come so unbelievably far this year, and learned so much. I've done things I never imagined I would do, both good and bad. I've gone from a position of great weakness and doubt to such strength and confidence. And I've shrunk by 9kg :) I've finally finished playing the best friend in the movie of my own life (to quote "The Holiday"). I've been through the emotional wringer and come out calmer than I've ever been. It's been great. It's been terrible. It's been both at once.

To quote Dickens, who had rather a way with words:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it ws the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

I have plenty of hopes and aspirations for 2009. Here are some of them, edited from my post on GPYP:

I’m going to spend the year standing up for myself and doing what is right for me. I’m not going to do things that aren’t right for me, even if people try emotional blackmail. No more crazy dances. No more reactivity.

I’m going to spend the year believing in my ability to explore my interests. That means being whole-hearted in my teaching, playing in a concert band, singing in a choir, joining a writers' group, studying hard and living well.

I’m going to learn how to have ‘down time’ again. I have to give back my education department laptop so this is a good time to learn to just BE rather than spending huge blocks of time dithering on the internet while half-watching the TV. I’ll still have my PC and I’ll still have my TV but they are going to be separate and they are going to be limited.

I’m going to lose the rest of the weight I need to lose. I’ve lost 9kg so far and if I can just stick to the weight watchers plan consistently until July I will have lost the remaining 20kg that will put me at the absolute perfect weight for my height. I’m going to be slender again in 2009 and I’m going to stay that way.

Bananaheads will not happen next year. If men happen, they will not be bananaheads.

Above all, I hope 2009 is just a little bit easier than 2008 has been. I'm intensely grateful for all of the soul-growth I've experienced this year, but . . . I can has brake naow? Pleez?

To all my readers, whether you're regulars or passers-by: Happy New Year! And may 2009 be filled with love, wellness, satisfaction, hope and opportunity beyond your wildest dreams.

With all the very best of love,
Signing off for 2008,
Christine.

See you in 2009!

RIP Phyllida.

Owwwww

Last night I couldn't get to sleep until very late, and had to be up at 8:30am because my home owner was coming around at 9 to check out where the roof has been leaking. I fell back into bed afterwards and napped for a couple of hours, but I'm still exhausted, and to top it off I've developed a shocker of a headache that painkillers haven't even dented. It's still 35 C (95 F) at 7:45pm and not looking like it's going to cool off any time soon. I feel sick and sore and exhausted and I have no idea what to do with myself!

So much for chilling out on New Year's Eve! I can't even relax with this headache, and I can't have a quiet drink or two either because I'm going to have to take painkillers again when the ones I've already taken wear off (not that I can remember when I took them, botheration!). I'm going to spend the evening on the couch in front of the air conditioner, nursing my head and dozing until it cools down enough for me to get to sleep. If I make it to midnight then it'll be because it's still too hot to sleep - if it cools I'm going to be out like a light!

All in all, I'm reminded of Terry Pratchett's quirky invention, reannual grapes. They grow backwards in time: you plant them this year and they grow last year. And therefore, the wine made from reannual grapes gives you the hangover the day before you drink it. This feels so much like a hangover - perhaps the bottle of wine chilling in my fridge was made from reannual grapes and I'm going to have a big one tonight after all! :D

Tomorrow I am going to sleep and sleep and sleep. Don't even try to stop me.

Sunday Weight

I managed to remember that it was Sunday today, despite the general holiday confusion over days and dates.

Weight Today: 72.4

I lost 200g over Christmas.

WTF

I guess this is because of how sick I've been feeling and my general inability to eat much, but still. I lost weight over Christmas. I must be sick.

I feel sick :(

Remember the queasiness I blamed on nerves around the time of the interview? It hasn't gone away, even though the nerves most definitely have. Even when I'm hungry I usually either can't face food at all (throat closes, stomach turns over), or I'll get a few bites into food that my body seems to be accepting, and then suddenly get nauseous and start to gag. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's become quite clear that there is something wrong. This isn't nerves, and it seems to have gone on too long for a virus. I'm going to have to take this one to the doctor. Gah.

Blech

I don't know whether it's the nervousness and anticipation over possibly changing jobs and moving back to Perth, or the sudden increase in hot weather, or both, but I constantly feel nauseous at the moment. I can't face stodgy or rich food at all and have trouble swallowing anything, even when I can feel my stomach grumbling with hunger. Sometimes it eases and I can eat light foods, but the thought of eating anything closes my throat most of the time. So I'm going around starving and feeling sick at the thought of food. YUCK!!

(No, I am not pregnant. No possible way whatsoever. So that is not the problem!)

I'm also currently having a little battle with myself, because I just got given a box of Cadbury Roses chocolates (my absolute favourite!) by a student. Common sense says I should share them with my class so I don't eat them all myself once this yicky feeling subsides. But my OMGLOVECHOCOLATE sense says I should keep them! Decisions, decisions :D

Sometimes There's Nothing You Can Do . . .

I'll freely admit that my tiredness is often my own fault. I don't go to sleep early enough or with enough dedication sometimes. Other times it's insomnia, or just difficult circumstances, but most often it's just my bad sleeping habits.

Last night, however, was SO NOT MY FAULT.

At 9pm I was dozing off on the couch, so I decided I'd go to bed early and get a long night's sleep before getting up early. So I took a sleeping tablet, read for a little while then switched the light out. Despite the fact that the tablet was pulling me under, I had trouble getting off to sleep because the bogong moths were being noisy and the people across the road from me were talking out the front of their house and receiving text messages rather noisily. Just as I was dropping off at about 10:30 I heard a rumble of thunder. Then I awoke again at about 11:30 when a cracker of a thunderstorm went over. I was too much under the influence of the sleeping pill to wake up properly and enjoy it, but it was too noisy, between the constant thunder and the rain and I suspect hail too, for me to get back to sleep. Finally after about an hour I did drop off again. Then at about 4am I was awoken by a cacophony from my study, which is full of boxes and stuff I'm trying to sort into them. I went in and found a dead mouse in the doorway and Jemima chasing a very much live rabbit around the boxes. I chased the cat out, but I couldn't catch the rabbit so I shut the study door with the rabbit still inside, put the mouse in the bin and went back to sleep. About an hour and a half later I awoke to a funny noise and found that it was getting light and Jem had another rabbit, this one dead, on the floor of my bedroom. I hissed at her, put the rabbit in the bin (picking it up in an old cloth!) and went back to bed yet again. Just as I was dropping off, the sun rose, shining through my open window straight into my eyes. I groaned, rolled over, dropped back to sleep for about an hour, and then my alarm went off.

I really feel that the universe must have had it in for me last night - I did the right thing, went to bed early, and . . . argh!

(In case you're wondering, I opened the study door before I left for school this morning, and I assume Jemima has caught and dealt with the live rabbit! I don't mind her eating them as they're an agricultural pest, but I really wish she wouldn't bring them inside).

In other news, I'm very excited because I have a job interview at a Montessori school in the hills, in the suburb next to where Mum lives. I want this job so very much, but I have to get through the interview first and that's not for a couple of weeks! December 16th is the day. They've already spoken to my referees which is a good sign lol. I'd love to get back to Perth. I haven't lived in the city or suburbs with a car of my own before, and the possibilities are taking my breath away. Back with my friends . . . able to go where I want . . . NOT doing a 100km round trip every time I need groceries . . . there's even a choir I can sing in which I never knew about! I'm trying not to get too excited because it's by no means certain, but I'm hopeful.

Oh, crud.

Yesterday I woke up feeling a bit funny and off-colour, and spent the day doing not very much of anything, apart from making chicken soup, which was quite an intensive process but I really wanted to do it, because I really wanted chicken soup.

In the middle of last night I woke up to find myself thrashing around in the bed, twisting this way and that because I was feeling nauseous. I got up and threw up twice before going back to bed.

When I woke up this morning I still felt nauseous, and had a sore throat to boot. I've managed to get through today by telling my kids how sick I felt, and sucking on sugary lollies constantly to keep me from getting too sick. I've been vague and fuzzy all day, and left school as early as I decently could. Now I'm sitting on the couch with my throat getting worse and my stomach roiling every time I stand up and my head all fuzzy. I bought soda water, gingernut biscuits and arrowroot biscuits on the way home - stuff I know my body will accept - and I've eaten some chicken. Food doesn't seem to be making me worse thankfully, but I'm so tired. I really need to go to bed and sleep for a while. Like, 12 hours. But I'm having trouble actually getting up and going to bed, because I don't want to miss some shows tonight and I can't face trying to programme the video recorder. Which is silly. But I'm feeling too awful to do anything about it.

I can't possibly take a day off tomorrow - school photos!!! So I just have to keep going. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow . . .

Edit: I also meant to add that I was unaccountably weepy yesterday, and no doubt this is why. I'm still weepy today - I keep wanting to bawl over anything even slightly emotional on the TV. Crying over bandaid ads, anyone?

So . . .

. . . there's over-the-counter sleeping tablets. Thank God.

I couldn't get a doctor's appointment until Monday so I went to the chemist, and he gave me these tablets that used to be used as antihistamines until they figured out how to make antihistamines that don't completely knock you unconscious lol. The tablets are just used to help people to sleep these days. And they WORK. I took one twenty minutes before I wanted to fall asleep last night, and right on the dot I was out like a light and only stirred when the cat licked my nose about ten minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. I had about 8 hours sleep and I've felt SO much better today - not dozy at all, and with quite a bit of energy. Hey, this "good night's sleep" thing really works. Who knew?

We were supposed to have school photos today but they were cancelled because the photographer was rushed to hospital in a critically ill condition. Oops. They've been rescheduled for two weeks' time.

Want Sleep

I've been sleeping badly for the last couple of weeks - having trouble falling asleep, and waking up at every little sound all night, along with overheating and having ridiculous dreams. I'm so exhausted . . . I'm going around constantly with that gritty fatigued feeling, yawning constantly and tripping over things all the time. I don't know what to do. I can't get a doctor's appointment until Monday and I feel like I'll be completely insane by then. Herbal sleepy thingies don't work for me and I haven't even got any drowsy cough medicine I could take once or twice to get myself back on track. I keep trying to go to bed but I just lie there for hours and hours without falling asleep. It's been happening since daylight savings time started but I don't know if that caused it or if it's part of a larger problem . . . *sigh*