Guilt, Lack of . . .

It's amazing what can happen when one takes guilt and self-negativity out of one's life.

Since New Year's Day I've allowed myself a period of complete time off. No housework except the minimum necessary to keep the house from descending into total slobbery; no have-to-do lists; no exercise if I felt it was too hot; no fussing about preening and looking gorgeous if I was staying home and just felt like vegging, etc. And most importantly, absolutely no guilt or self-criticism permitted over any of my relaxation time. No harassing myself over what I was or wasn't doing. Complete emotional time off.

Well. That worked rather differently to expected.

After only a couple of days of chilling out and feeling utterly guiltless about it, I felt like doing some of the things that actually needed to be done, like phone calls about my house move and so on. And I found I didn't want to slouch around the house in old clothes - in fact I've delighted in keeping my hair shiny and freshly-washed, and in wearing clothes that look and feel good. And after a week - ie today - I started wanting to do the housework, wanting to get some exercise (I've just come back from a half-hour walk around town) and wanting to do everything that needs to be done.

Guilt from outside is a great de-motivator. Nothing is more off-putting than feeling like someone is oppressing you into doing something. But it can work that way from the inside out, too. Once I stopped harassing myself, I found that I could actually handle these things with equanimity. . . I even found myself annoyed because I'd run out of dish-washing detergent and couldn't do the dishes, rather than seeing it as a wonderful excuse. Who would've thought?