Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Matters of the Heart

Twice recently, an old friend has come in to do a bit of shopping while I've been on the checkouts at work.

This friend was part of my close group in year 12, and the subject of a crush that lasted most of the year ;) We were friends first, and spent a lot of time chatting on the phone and in person that year; by the end of the year he was well aware of the crush, but managed to gently make clear the fact that while he loved the friendship, the feelings weren't reciprocated enough to start anything at that point. And I was ok with that - a little disappointed of course, but hey, I was 16 and it was a crush. No biggie.

I've hardly thought about him since then, except for the odd memory or a do-you-remember session with other friends from that group. I ran into him once at uni when he was getting his degree and chatted briefly, and we're facebook friends (though he is not a very active user) but otherwise he's not been on my mind at all.

So why, tell me, does my heart leap when I see him in person? And why does seeing him for a few minutes at work leave me with a head full of him and an irresistible desire to stalk his facebook photos to see his face?

It doesn't make any sense. It was a schoolgirl crush, 13 - count 'em, 13 - years ago. It's utterly idiotic that when he came in to work for the second time I caught my breath and blushed as soon as I saw him. WTF.

He hasn't shown any particular interest, either. He was really pleased to see me the first time, and the girl on the checkout next to mine got all giggly because he obliquely asked whether I was single, but I think that was just conversation. He hasn't made any overt effort to contact me or anything (and with FB, I'm right there) so I doubt there's any interest beyond reminiscent friendship there. Certainly nothing to spark off this ridiculous pseudo-crush my emotions seem to be having off in a corner by themselves.

WHAT THE HECK. That's all I'm asking.


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