Christine, Wondering

Random Musings of a Human Becoming

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Ticky-tacky Talk

Little boxes, on the hillside
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes all the same

There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same

This song has been stuck in my head all afternoon, since my maths curriculum class. In the maths classes the workshop leader prefers to teach us how to teach maths by getting us to do the activities we'd be using to teach our students. Today, among other things, we had to use grid paper to make as many combinations of six squares as possible, then predict which ones could be folded to make a cube, then finally cut them out and see which ones actually would fold into a cube. Hence, we wound up with lots of little boxes made of ticky-tacky, and the song stuck.

The real point of this post wasn't really little boxes though lol. The actual story is that I had a great time in Maths today - I missed the last two workshops and we had two weeks' holiday before that, so I'd forgotten how much fun that class is. There's a number of other people in the class with the same slightly silly sense of humour that I have, including the workshop leader, and today a group of us engaged in a little mild heckling and red-herring-ing, and got the workshop leader giggling helplessly. It was great  

All that fun got me thinking about how I feel about myself today (which is great - the watershed of the last week has resolved a lot of things and I'm moving forward at an incredible rate) compared to that feeling of barely existing during that terrible bout of depression last week. And I was thinking about the effect that isolation of the soul can have. Everyone knows that you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely - because you're not connecting with the people around you beyond a superficial level. I think, more than anything, this might be what went wrong when I went to Sydney. I had loads of people around me, but no kindred spirits and no one who even came close to being a kindred spirit. Essentially, no one who would get my jokes 

That's something to bear in mind when I go to London, and even beforehand, given the people-finding powers of the internet. It's quality, not quantity, when it comes to not being lonely. When I go away to the UK, I need to seek out a few people who I really connect with, so that I don’t begin to doubt my own existence again. This time I will have an advantage as my cousin Jess will already be there, and she’s one of the people who gets me (and who I get, for that matter).

I give you all fair warning: the odd feelings of insubstantiality during that depression episode are leading my late-night musings into some very interesting territory. Be prepared for the possibility that the ramblings on this blog will touch on some very heavy subjects over the next while, such as: “What is an Identity?”, “What is a Personality?”, and “What is a Life, and How Do You Know if You’re Having One?”. 

Just letting you know 


Post a Comment